Crashing jets is fabulously morose. Reading it brings back college and the breakups that seemed sure to end my life as I knew it (and they did, for the better, though you couldn't have told me that then).

My last 2 breakups were with Marcia. I guess we thought the first one was so much fun that we wanted to try it again. We had a fabulous summer together after the first breakup, it was the way I'd imagined it would be, which explains why it didn't last. I felt her pulling away, I get needy in about 12 hours and it was way past the deadline, but I ignored it. I was supposed to head up to her place for my day off, so I called her before I left work to let her know I was coming. The store was still open, customers were browsing but they soon faded away and I turned into the nightmare saleschick glued to the phone.

"Do you still want me to come up?" I asked. "Uh...no", she replied. "Do you want to break up with me?" "Yes". After a few minutes of controlled weeping at the store, I headed home, where she was to call me back. Why do these things take so damn long, as if stretching it out will somehow change the outcome?

After at least 2 hours on the phone at my house, I was done. Drained and tired, but resigned. All along, I'd known it wasn't going to work so it wasn't really surprised this time. I was grateful for the fun summer we'd had and more content than I wanted to be to let it go.

I kept saying goodbye and hanging up the phone. It was hot and I wanted to have my friend Bec over to drink the vodka I'd bought earlier that week and commiserate, but every time I hung up the phone, Marcia was on the other end to make sure I was "okay." I think I was more "okay" than she'd expected, and she wanted to create a stir before hanging up. I never did give her that pleasure and finally I got to call Bec. We polished off the vodka and passed out. Good thing I didn't have to work the next day.

Right now, there's a wave of breakups in the lesbians I know. While Andrea and I have our share of disagreements, the last thing I want is to be part of that wave. Breakups are no fun, I think it's way too easy to walk away from something that's working when it hits a bumpy patch these days. It's the value in knowing her better after that bumpy patch that gets me through it.

A lot of lesbians I know remain friends after they break up, the logic being that whatever connection that brought them together is still there. It makes for weird moments in get-togethers when you realize that you're the only person in the room who hasn't slept with everyone else.