Bush Thief Thwarted by Old Beagles
Saturday night, I was walking Alice and Ellie, minding my own business, when we saw this woman standing on the lawn outside these new condos, holding a garden spade. I didn't think too much of it at first, but then I thought, hey it's 10 pm, I don't think she's gardening. We watched as she went up to these little trees and shook them to see if they'd come loose. As soon as she saw me and my posse of toothless attack beagles, she retreated to the shadows of the Wienerschnitzel. No, I'm not making this up.

We watched for a while but she gave up, only to return later and swipe not one but two mini-trees. Ever mindful of my Civic Duty (not doodie) I called the cops (this conversation was every bit as ackward as you're imagining-- "I'm not sure if you should report these things, but there's a woman with a spade out here and well, some trees are missing) but they said they couldn't do anything.

I just want to know why she's stealing trees.