My first hockey class was this morning. Silly me for thinking that in the beginner class that people wouldn't know what they were doing. I don't know if these people read the course listing wrong or what but their overqualified selves spent a lot of time waiting for my oh-so-very-beginner ass to finish the drill. It was fun but hard work!

8:00 a.m. I arrive at the rink and start checking out my classmates. When a huge guy walks out of the dressing room, I realize that the women's league might be the place for me after all, that is, if I can get through this class.
8:15 a.m. Class starts by all these competent people skating laps while I stand there with a stunned look on my face, thinking, am I in the wrong place??
8:21a.m After a whopping 6 minutes in class, my calves are on fire from trying to skate backwards and I'm sweating but can't wipe my face since my helmet has a cage on the front.
8:28a.m. The instructors talk about skates and how they should fit but my feet hurt so badly that I can't concentrate.
8:30 a.m. I realize that I can take my glove off and poke one finger through my cage to remove some sweat. My burning calves have calmed down a bit and I'm starting to think I might get the hang of this.
8:38 a.m. Our instructor asks us to raise our arms, holding the stick. I'm not sure I can do that and I keep thinking I'm going to puke but trying to figure out how to get off the ice quick enough never mind taking off my helmet in time (which I just not realized could be a problem) stops me.
8:42 a.m. I realize that I've adjusted my helmet to be way too tight and my brain is being squished from the pressure.
8:48 a.m. They tell us how to stop but I was so slow doing my 2 laps around the ice that I miss all instructions.
8:49 a.m. I accept the fact that for now, my hockey stop is really just a hockey slow.
8:50 a.m. I go for the stop and fall flat on my face, my body in the position on the ground that you'd usually see chalk lines around.
8:51 a.m. From a very slow starting speed, I complete my first slow motion hockey stop.
9:00 a.m. When they ask us to skate in circles, crossing one foot over the other, I learn to ask for an easier excersize that I might be able to master.
9:15 a.m. My assigned final 2 laps around the track becomes one lap because I'm so damn slow. I rip my helmet off my throbbing head and head out. When I take off my padded shorts, my ass feels so much closer to the bench and I feel naked.

I drive home with all the windows open, covered in sweat and wondering if I'll ever feel cold again. I have a feeling that I'll be a repeat student in the beginner class.