Sometimes, I'm fine for up to 30 minutes at a time. I don't cry or get sad. Then I remember that my Ellie's gone and while I try to console myself, saying that she's in a better place (which I firmly believe she is) and free from pain, I still miss her like crazy. But the Ellie I don't miss is the one we said goodbye to this weekend, the one who was riddled with pain and couldn't stand up.

I miss the healthier Ellie who said 'woo! woo!' when she was happy, who followed me everywhere I went, who ate Chex Mix with me after work every day, who bonked open the bathroom door every morning to make sure I was okay, who guarded my bed, who rolled on the grass every chance she got. My Ellie, who taught me the value of living and loving one day at a time. Together we packed a lifetime into 6 months and 8 days. My Ellie and me.