Ohmygod! SatireWire | Postcards from the Ex is so funny, it's sad.

I'm feeling especially jaded about the Valley today. There's not enough room for all the "pre-IPO" comanies in this town and I'm tired of them. I think the web is ready to fall into the Mall Mold, where a few big companies and even fewer small ones dominate and the small ass players are relegated to the crappy strip malls, next to the dry cleaners.

How many job postings read like this? Copywriters: Chance of a lifetime at HOT pre-IPO startup. Give me a break. That's like the recruiter who told me I was "throwing my career away" when I left the workplace from hell after a mere 3 days. Right. I'm making more money, treated better and closer to home. If that's throwing my career away, I'd say it's not a bad thing to do!

My boss sent me this hilarious, but sadly accurate article a while back.

It's mildly disturbing that my #5 referring URL is somewhere. That's all it says, somewhere.

Does anyone know where I can buy some more Intense Chocolate Velamints? Finding them in the first place must have been a fluke. Please don't delay, send me email right away if you know.

project me is just so damn groovy.

I know that lots of porn sites own domains that are one letter off from major sites like Yahoo and stuff like that. But really, what's the point? If I wanted to find porn, I would. Stumbling onto it, especially at work, only makes me blush and struggle to close the window quickly, which doesn't really help the porn site in promoting their business.

I heart Blogger. Blogger is my friend, but lately I'm starting to wonder what the point is in a free service that's down a lot.

Had the most surreal visit to the gynecologist today. He's a budding Web designer (bills himself as the Groovy Gyno) so there we are, in the least social situation I can imagine and he's asking me about building a form and aligning a banner on the left side, then he completes the exam by asking if I'd visit his site and send him an email about it. Which I'm happy to do, but still makes for a very akward time to talk about web stuff.

The new secret location of the elian whassup flash thingie.

Brad's in my office right now, reading the ingredients on the bag of Alice's treats. It's so surreal.

Damn. CNN.com - Whazzup? AP tries to kick popular Elian animation off the Internet - April 27, 2000. Get over your bad selves, it was about time some part of Elian's saga was worth laughing about.

One of my beaglebuddies had her dog Barbie run away 3 days ago from her home in Marion Indiana. If you live near there, or know someone who does, please pass Barbie's page along.

Who needs vanity license plates on your car when you can have a vanity domain name?

There was no repeat of Tuesday's dogfight. We found an article by a behavior expert listing all these things to do, Andrea printed it out and we're following it to the T. It seems to help.

Without divulging anything of interest or relevance, let me say that monthly vesting plans are a great thing.

Maybe the Whassup thing has gotten out of hand but this is still pretty funny.

Another great email from facilities:

We are currently installing voice,video, and data cabling in the Sunnyvale facility. The cable installation crew will use a nail gun to install cable hangers. You might hear several gunshot noises this morning during the installation process. Please do not be alarm with the noise.

Dogfight
You would think that being 10 and 12 years old would mean that my dogs won't fight. Ha! Nobody was seriously injured when Alice went after Ellie but there was blood so we were at the vet's once again. Why can't these things ever happen early instead of at midnight?

I just bid on a ton of crap on ebay, then got outbid on everything. Good thing, I didn't really want that stuff, I just got caught up in the excitement.

Looking for help with your love life? Here's The Wrong Way to make love. Phew.

I'm noticing that my blog isn't listed in the popularity contests and you know what? That's okay. It's one thing knowing that my friends read this (Hi Amy!) but a different thing knowing that more folks than I'd imagined are reading my daily drivel. I'm not in a big hurry to increase my exposure, the more people reading this, the more I worry about saying something inflammatory or lawsuit worthy.

For Amy, who's feeling a little low Jesus Loves You.

Here are the related terms that come up with a search on "Jesus Loves Me"

• jennifer love hewitt
• passwords jesus
• "jesus christ"
• love
• love poems
• jesus
• jesus pictures
• making love
• courtney love
• love poetry

Give me a break. It's over.

Someone wrote to me about Alice's site today, suggesting that I use their services to translate it into different languages. HELLO? It's a shrine to my DOG, not a viable business opportunity.

Is it really necessary to waste our tax dollars on this? Congress begins inquiry into Miami raid. Am I somehow a Castro supporter if I think that we should let the whole thing drop or just sick of the whole thing?

The Pocket PC appears but why, when a handspring costs less than 1/2 of what these cost?

Sometimes I write LOL when I'm not actually laughing.

I may be able to chat with people from all over the world on the Web, but they still can't beam themselves here to meet me for lunch.

If I were to link my friend's names to their email addresses everytime I mentioned them, would people actually write? I think no, after all, your only connection to most of the people I mention is me, and you may not know me.

My mom recently ran into a woman I went to high school with. She's pregnant with her 4th child. Holy shit. And here I thought that 2 dogs was a steep commitment.

It's not all bad for beyond.

I just looked at my stats for April for the first time (yes, I know it's kinda late in the month, but I've been busy cranking out powerpoint presentations) and would like to say Heeeellllooo to all my new readers from url's I've never heard of, like harvard and stanford.

I'm so glad that Elian is with his father now. It's about damn time. Elian reunion 'a most beautiful moment' . Maybe there was too much force, but after Waco, I'm sure Janet Reno's only thought was to prevent anything like that from happening again. And it worked, nobody was hurt. And why, oh why, was that fisherman there and why is the guy still hanging around? Looking for his 15 minutes of fame, which ended about 5 months ago as far as I can tell. Just like for the rest of the family. I'm sure they love him, but they held him hostage and made him a pawn to their political interests. And now they're shocked that the father doesn't want to see them? Duh.

It's pretty ironic that brick and mortar stores have higher margins than Internet ones. The manta used to be "we don't have stores to maintain so we make more money on every purchase" but I suppose that's no longer true, since the market is now flooded with competition, Internet retailers have to work more than twice as hard as the corner store. Here's a a little proof.