For all you Cypress Hill fans, here's a spanish rendition of Insane in the Membrane. Loco En El Coco.mp3. Thanks Matt

Lock up the corned beef! I got the Shmaltz!

Today's keyword seach: smoked chicken jesus. Bon appetit!

Did I mention that in June we went to a big-ass beaglefest? Most of the dogs spent the day playing and running around. But not my dogs, they loitered by the food tent all day.

Someone on one of my email lists just wrote in about her "adopted grandson." Why make that distinction? Do people not realize that inherent to being adopted is this distinction -- you don't look like anyone, may not act like anyone in your family and you have no idea why you do half the shit that you do. Isn't that enough without having your own grandparent point out that fact that you're not like the others?

Just talked to my mom, I swear she's hyped up on crank, she was talking so fast. I will only say that caring for your ailing loved ones is a real pain in the ass and sometimes, I wish I lived closer to my mom and could be more help. But then again, I have no less than 5 cousins who live in town so shit, I don't know.

What they hand out at coed Shriner's conventions:

I'm addicted to webcams and getting my fill here on the M e t a C a m P a g e. Get some!

Here's a marketing campaign that's sure to please:
Free Crack with Purchase!!

Anyone looking for a party? Jewfest!!! (YPK-Young Cool Hip Jews)Thanks, Amy, for the rice and for this gem!

New Feature: Daily Keyword Search
I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do. I'll search for some weird-ass combination of words and post the results. Today's search: pants and toast. Enjoy!

It seems that everywhere I go, I'm followed by a nice man who is handing out rice.

Starting off my day with a hearty round of FUCKERS!! This spring I fought with Volkswagen Credit after I got a huge loan and paid off my lease. Eventually, I threatened legal action and got the title to my car. Today, I get a certified letter saying that they need some proof of insurance crap or they're going to terminate my lease. Hello? I paid it off, I own the car now. Fuck off.

No, folks, I can't see you from my webcam. Sorry, you'll just have to quit waving.

The impending Beyond.com delisting is so sad. I had a great time working there, learned a lot about dealing with people and did some cool stuff. It's hard to watch this happen to my old friend, especially since some of my favorite people are still there. I won't stop hoping that it will turn around.

Okay, I lied. Had lunch with the gang then decided to head into work. So here I am.

I'm taking the day off today. No really good reason, I'm just exhausted, so Liz will not be Speaking much today.

I forgot to mention that when I picked Alice up at the groomers, she was the biggest, butchest dog there. A little perspective: Alice is a mere 12 inches tall and weighs 18 pounds. It was a room full of toy poodles and other yippie dogs. And Alice. Totally cracked me up to see her dwarfing the froo-froo dogs.

Things that really really suck: Russian Mariners May Be Dead. I can't think of a more frightening way to die. At least not right now, I can't, while those 116 guys are dead or dying and there's nothing that can be done for them.

In case you're looking for one, this Flowbee, Original Home Haircutting System is for sale.

If I started a band, it would definitely be called Everything But the Fez.

Sign me up for the Hall of Innoventions! The LizCam now opens in a popup window for all you voyeurs. Enjoy.

Just picked up Stinky Alice from the groomers. She was so ready to get out of there that she started barking as soon as she saw me coming up the walkway. I totally forgot that they didn't take credit cards, so I had to leave a deposit of all the cash in my pocket, then come back. But she's no longer Stinky Alice, she's clean-smelling Alice and also really tired Alice, snoring behind me.

I'm so eager to get my new fez that I wanted to try it on before it arrived:

Don't I look great?

I forgot to mention that my grandmother (who lives 2578 miles from me, in lovely Columbus Ohio) is getting a discount on her wheelchair because I know the guy who builds them. The world is so damn small sometimes.

Just had a conversation with someone who managed to hit virtually all of my conversation sore spots. He had an unneutered dog, who he had planned to breed for the hell of it, then he asked if we'd thought about putting Ellie to sleep. No, asshole, we hadn't thought of that at all, we want her to be in pain and had you thought of neutering your dog so that there aren't more dogs without homes in the world????

I never know what the right thing to say would be. I may bitch later, but it's my nature to be polite in these situations, so I just said a very judgemental 'oh' to his aspiring backyard breeder story, kept mentioning that I work animal rescue and once again explained that Ellie is not in pain, and that we're paying close attention to her, letting her tell us when it's time to go.

I'm really trying to just let people be, to not get all irate when thier views aren't like mine, especially on issues near to my heart, but shit, it's hard. I'll let you be ignorant if you don't infer that I'm doing my dog a disservice by letting her live the life of Riley for as long as she wants to. How's that?

With stinky Alice at the groomer's for a full body wash, Ellie (aka Mustafa) insisted on coming in to work with me so she's here, sharing my breakfast. I can't really fault her, Capn Cruch has got to taste better than dog food.

Ebay is a never ending source of wonder.

Woo hoo! I just bought my very own Fez & Fez Case. Aren't you jealous?

Amy and I gave Ellie a new name this weekend: Mustafa.

Wow. My right butt cheek is twitching. Woo.

It wasn't just a weekend of doing good for the animals of the world, Sunday we went to the Small Brewer's Festival and drank way too much beer. My favorite brewer, by far, was the He'Brew, the Chosen Beer. Not only does it have a catchy name, it's fabulous beer.

We went to adoption day on Saturday since the kids who usually show the dogs for school credit are out of school. While we were there, we met the coolest little beagle, who we got to name Belle, after Bel Sha Zaar.

We took so many pictures of her that we had to make an album. We kept calling her Ms. Sha Zaar and cracking ourselves up.