My first hockey class was this morning. Silly me for thinking that in the beginner class that people wouldn't know what they were doing. I don't know if these people read the course listing wrong or what but their overqualified selves spent a lot of time waiting for my oh-so-very-beginner ass to finish the drill. It was fun but hard work!

8:00 a.m. I arrive at the rink and start checking out my classmates. When a huge guy walks out of the dressing room, I realize that the women's league might be the place for me after all, that is, if I can get through this class.
8:15 a.m. Class starts by all these competent people skating laps while I stand there with a stunned look on my face, thinking, am I in the wrong place??
8:21a.m After a whopping 6 minutes in class, my calves are on fire from trying to skate backwards and I'm sweating but can't wipe my face since my helmet has a cage on the front.
8:28a.m. The instructors talk about skates and how they should fit but my feet hurt so badly that I can't concentrate.
8:30 a.m. I realize that I can take my glove off and poke one finger through my cage to remove some sweat. My burning calves have calmed down a bit and I'm starting to think I might get the hang of this.
8:38 a.m. Our instructor asks us to raise our arms, holding the stick. I'm not sure I can do that and I keep thinking I'm going to puke but trying to figure out how to get off the ice quick enough never mind taking off my helmet in time (which I just not realized could be a problem) stops me.
8:42 a.m. I realize that I've adjusted my helmet to be way too tight and my brain is being squished from the pressure.
8:48 a.m. They tell us how to stop but I was so slow doing my 2 laps around the ice that I miss all instructions.
8:49 a.m. I accept the fact that for now, my hockey stop is really just a hockey slow.
8:50 a.m. I go for the stop and fall flat on my face, my body in the position on the ground that you'd usually see chalk lines around.
8:51 a.m. From a very slow starting speed, I complete my first slow motion hockey stop.
9:00 a.m. When they ask us to skate in circles, crossing one foot over the other, I learn to ask for an easier excersize that I might be able to master.
9:15 a.m. My assigned final 2 laps around the track becomes one lap because I'm so damn slow. I rip my helmet off my throbbing head and head out. When I take off my padded shorts, my ass feels so much closer to the bench and I feel naked.

I drive home with all the windows open, covered in sweat and wondering if I'll ever feel cold again. I have a feeling that I'll be a repeat student in the beginner class.

Remember Belle the Magnificent? It looks like her time has run out, that her tumors have advanced to the point where nothing can be done. She's headed to the vet's tomorrow for a final confirmation of the extent of her illness, but chances are she'll be put to sleep tomorrow. Here's to you Ms. Belle, you touched my heart, thanks for passing though my life.

Lately, it's been bothering me that not everyone lives by the same moral code that I do. Short of actually practicing a religion, I choose instead to live according to the Golden Rule, you know, do unto others as you'd have them do unto you, or be nice to everyone because if you're not it will kick you in the ass.

<Public Service Announcement>
Please kids, just try your best to be nice to each other, to the people you love, to your family, to the checkout guy at the Safeway. It goes a long way towards making the world a better place.
</Public Service Announcement>

Here's to being a grownup
I like being a grownup. I like having a (reasonably) stable income of my own, setting my own schedule, choosing what I'm going to eat and when, taking care of my dogs and my home. Most importantly, I love the freedom that's come from finally understanding myself. You don't like me? I don't care. I really don't.

By no means does this mean that I really don't care what anyone thinks, but rather that I do not live or die by anyone's approval the way I did when I was younger and less self-assured. I don't spend long evenings pondering who I am and what it all means, instead, I'm enjoying the freedom of having a life that I love.

Announcing a limited time engagement of Ellie on the LizCam, for your dog-watching pleasure. Enjoy!

We went to Dave and Busters for Andrea's birthday last night. That place rules! The best game is the Star Wars Episode 1 Racer, where you sit in Anakin's pod and drive. I couldn't stop playing it. I'm sure I'll be back for more.

Ellie's at work with me again today. This time there is a host of other dogs, including 5 King Charles Spaniels, all of whom felt obligated to accost Ellie in the breakroom. Surrounded by a roomful of yipping dogs, she kept her cool, woo wooing at them to show them who's boss.

I have the dogs here at work with me and when I go to the bathroom, I take them in with me so they can roam around, and more importantly, don't get into anything in my office. I did not realize that not only was I not alone in the bathroom, but the other person in there is scared of dogs until I heard this loudass 'ack!' Ellie had strolled into her stall. Oops.

If a tree falls in the forest and I blog about it, but nobody reads, did it really happen?

Marci and Christopher's Wedding

See the happy couple doin' their thing!

Look at me! I'm part of my brother's wedding!

Talk about dumb: Wisconsin university inserts black student among whites in photo. This sounds more like a headline from the Onion.

The Job Title Generator has named me Emancipated Stuff Headline Honcho. That's Ms. Emancipated Stuff Headline Honcho to you!

Hey brig, I think you can top Web Prima Donna for a title, but only with Web Bitch or just plain Ho.

Here is a bad-ass VW Squareback converted to look like a german police car replica. Someday, my Weezy will be proudly featured at VW shows along with cars like these.

Pages like this are about as close as I get to looking at porn.

The sweetest story from the Olympics so far was Eric Moussambani from Equatorial Guinea. He was in the slowest qualifying heat for the 100 meter freestyle, but he'd never swam that far before, training in a small hotel pool, only since March. When his two other competitors in the heat disqualified, it was him all alone. The crowd went crazy for the unemployed man, when he finished, the cheering made him think that he'd won a medal.

More than gold medal counts and arrogant rivalries, moments like this swim are what the Olympics are all about.

Right now, we're taking care of my neighbor's dog, Percy, the girlie shih-tzu, who is actually a guy. I walked Alice, Ellie and Percy together this morning. Talk about a pain in the ass!

I'm speechless and smell like gas (and ass) from driving my fine squareback.

If you called me right now, you'd be forced to say that you caught me 'in a mood'. So don't call.

My AOL IM connection has been restored, at least part time. Wanna find out for sure? Talk to me but not for long since my ass is supposed to be working.

Now that the wedding is over, I'd like to fast for a month. I'm still full from last Thursday's rehearsal dinner, which was 5 courses of fabulousity, followed by the big dinner wedding and two more days of hearty eating. I'm a big ball of bloatedness.

Today's moment of exhausted stupidity:
After fixing Ellie's breakfast, I turned my attention to Alice's meal. I put her pills in (hypothyroid and allergies, if you want to know) then put her bowl down for her to eat. Except, of course, that I forgot to put the food in as well. She just stood there looking at me like I'm a bad mommy, or more like a stupid-ass mommy. Sorry, Al.

I am indeed a Napster fan, but Barenaked Ladies battle Napster with 'Trojan' downloads is pretty damn funny.

Today, someone handed me a pile of shit as if it was a gift.

The true story of what's going on with me.
I'm trying to help save 40 dogs that are living in some pretty nasty condidtions. Their owner isn't too receptive to the idea of giving them up so it's going to be a struggle to save them.

I've been looking half-heartedly for a new job. Maybe I've been in denial about what's going on here but as more and more of my friends pack up their offices and go on interviews, I know it's getting to be time to move on.

The wedding is over, the families have returned home. We're all exhausted but it was a great ceremony and a wonderful party. I think my brother and Marci are happy but tired.