I think I've finally accepted the fact that on Monday, I'll be working at a new job. I liked everyone I talked to there and the work should be rewarding. Leaving my friends here behind is the hard part. That and having my very own office.

Author's Note:
The LizCam is on hiatus because I'm cleaning out my office. Once I'm set up at my lovely new location, it will be back.

Have to pick up Ellie's ashes tonight. In some ways, it means picking up the pieces of our time together and moving on.

Mostly it just means she's gone.

Tomorrow's my last day at work. Mentally, I've been outta here since the layoffs but it's still kinda hard. I'll miss my friends, but after next week, the remaining few won't be here anyway.

On to bigger and better funded things!

Just when I think I'm starting to be okay without Ellie, I see someone who doesn't know that she's gone and have to explain all over again. Each time it's like the first and I still expect her to greet me when I get home at night.

I should have bet someone how my mom would react to Alice's impending arrival. She said exactly what I thought she would and she's not happy about it. Why is it that I'm 27 years old and still want my mom's approval? I have other places to stay in Columbus, places that are probably more relaxing, but I'm still pissed that my mom would say Alice isn't welcome at her house. As if somehow Alice isn't a member of my family.

But I was good, I told her that was fine, I'll stay at my friend's house instead. Then I hung up.

We had our first taste of Silicon Valley real estate today. We saw a house that we liked, parts of it were okay, parts of it were wonderful so we decided to put in a bid on it. We bid $11,000 over the listing price and were outbid within an hour. Buying our house is going to be some crazy shit.

Some guy felt the need to correct me on Alice's webpage to tell me that she's actually red and white, not lemon and white and that more than 3% of them have that coloring and it can be a hinderance in the show ring.

Gee thanks. 1. She's not a show dog, she's been rescued twice so at this point she's pretty fortunate to have a home. 2. Her pedigree says lemon and white. and 3. that's just plain rude.

Asshole. Why write to a stranger just to tell them you think they're wrong? Why can't people just let other people be?

Sometimes, I'm fine for up to 30 minutes at a time. I don't cry or get sad. Then I remember that my Ellie's gone and while I try to console myself, saying that she's in a better place (which I firmly believe she is) and free from pain, I still miss her like crazy. But the Ellie I don't miss is the one we said goodbye to this weekend, the one who was riddled with pain and couldn't stand up.

I miss the healthier Ellie who said 'woo! woo!' when she was happy, who followed me everywhere I went, who ate Chex Mix with me after work every day, who bonked open the bathroom door every morning to make sure I was okay, who guarded my bed, who rolled on the grass every chance she got. My Ellie, who taught me the value of living and loving one day at a time. Together we packed a lifetime into 6 months and 8 days. My Ellie and me.

Just so you don't think that I'm not my old self, because I am, or at least I'm trying to be.

I've decided to take Alice with me for Thanksgiving. My mom, keeper of the immaculate house, will be nervous. 5 bucks says that her reaction is 'ohh. Are you sure you want to do that?' Al has a reservation to ride under my seat in the main cabin. If she doesn't fit into the crate, then she won't go but I'll give it my best effort!

One day past Ellie's passing and I'm okay. Well, I'm not okay, I miss her like crazy but looking at the pictures from her second day with us, I know that she hadn't felt that good in a while. It was absolutely her time to go. I was her mom for 6 months and 8 days but it could have been a week or 10 years for the way I feel.

The sweetest of girls, the bravest of girls to fight so hard with such dignity. That was my Ellie. I'll miss you always, little one.

I'm sorry to say that my Ellie died about an hour ago.