Visited an old friend tonight. I have no idea what prompted me to stop at a pay phone near his house and call as if we'd talked all the time over the last two years. When I arrived, I was nervous. Will he call me on the fact that we haven't talked? Will he still like me? (No, not in *that* way).

Looking at his place, I realized that many of the things I'd given him were still there, my thumbprint on his life was still present even if I'd chosen to throw away our friendship for no more salient a reason than my own exhaustion. Realized that my life, that all of our lives leave an impression on those we meet and that I'd better start taking that impression seriously and being more considerate with the emotions I put people through.

Bottom line: I just wasn't very nice. Not nearly as nice as I want to think I am.

Next time, this time, today, I'll do better.

This is it. My family's last night under the roof that I came home from the adoption agency to, where I learned to walk, was potty-trained, learned to curse (okay, maybe that was the schoolyard), and discovered cable TV. I'm not sure what I thought tonight would be like, but it's like this: the house is creaky since the carpets are up, I'm exhausted but wired from seeing not one but 3 old friends tonight, including one who I hadn't talked to in way too long and I guess I'm ready for all of this to be over with so I can get back to my life.

I've helped plenty of people move over the years. While schlepping someone else's stuff, I often think 'I'm schlepping someone else's stuff'. I didn't expect to think that about my parents' stuff but really, it is. The things in this house belong to them, even the crap I'd left behind isn't really mine anymore. If I haven't needed it in the 10 years since I moved out of this house, it's probably not of major importance.

Anyway, I may not have anything to say tomorrow since I'm not sure where my next working phone line is coming from. The phone is supposed to be turned on at the new house but if Ameritech is anything like Pac Bell, it could be next year.

Is today my 5th day here? I have no clue, I feel like I've been moving boxes forever. My cold is getting worse but we seem to have almost everything but the furniture out of our house. As more and more of my parents things are unpacked at the new house, the more it seems like home, but in a different, cozier, quieter way.

I'm so busy with all this moving stuff that I haven't had time to call any of my friends who I normally spend time with. Somehow, that's okay. We've got a house to move. The life that was inside this house has been packed up, shared between boxes and our memories, but it's not here anymore. Maybe it's been gone for longer than I realized.

Day two of the Big Move finds me sore, tired and the bearer of a cold. We've managed to get most of the non-furniture items out of our house and over to the new one. A side plot is me getting Ben almost trained to heel. So at least he's worn out too.

We had dinner at the Chinese resturant that used to be McDonald's. That place still messes me up. Where today there's a mahogany bar, at one time there was a deep fryer and a counter with hip teenagers waiting to take my order. And I'm sure that McDonald's has never served up an order of MuShu pork.

There were trick or treaters tonight. We were at the new house but came back here to my childhood home in time to hand out free candy. We ran into a neighbor my mom knew and as we stopped to chat, another neighbor guided his child past our darkened house, saying that 'those people never participate anyway.'

Nice. My mom was all fired up since this guy obviously had no idea how long we've lived here, how many stupid suburban events we've been part of over the years. Fuck off, all you Stepford families, we don't need your stinking block parties and PTA events.

Well kids, it's almost 10 pm. In accordance with Parental Sleeping Regulations, I'm off to bed.

Greetings from lovely Ohio. I managed to arrive on time but unfortunately my luggage didn't, choosing instead to enjoy the scenery in St. Louis for an extra night. We moved a nice chunk of my parent's stuff today, with me battling them because their moving theory is to move like one box at a time, then carefully unpack it and return home for another box. Since we've rented a truck, I figured we'd use the whole truck but hey, what do I know.

The new house is pretty cool, spacious and roomy yet cosy. Not creaky like our house seems to me now. The emotions I thought I'd feel are noticeably absent--maybe because Ellie's death has left me spent, more focused on the things that matter, like who you love not where you see them. I gave the last of her things away today, 15 kinds of treats, pills and other stuff. Closure? No, but about as close to it as I could hope for. I still miss her like crazy, I think I always will.

One thing I forgot about Ohio is that it's cold. Frickin' cold. The California Liz wears a sweatshirt in the winter but the Ohio Liz needs a jacket. Hopefully the California Liz will remind the Ohio Liz tomorrow that a jacket is imperative.

And by the way, I really hate Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. I think we should re-name it Who Wants to Kiss My Ass.