A friend was telling me about animal 'rescuers' who hoard animals and how's it been diagnosed as an illness. Who knew?

Miss Holly is getting a much-needed teeth cleaning today. I didn't realize how bad it was until I took a hard look the other night. I know I'd want a cleaning if I had that much plaque so off she goes. She's lost a big 2.5 pounds, not bad for only 3.5 weeks in our family.

I stopped at Starbucks after I dropped Holly off. One of the baristas (are men baristas or something else like baristars?) knew Ellie because he'd hang out at the vet's (next door) during his break. We were in every 2 weeks all summer so he'd seen us a lot. This morning he saw me in line and asked how the pup was. I couldn't answer, just shook my head and tried not to cry. Isn't this supposed to get easier?

I know that death is not an experience unique to me, that on some level we've all been through it. I've buried friends and relatives, but in all of those cases, I was one step removed from the actual death. With Ellie, I was right there, holding her as she took her last breath. Somehow, that experience has made me different.

Right after I lost my virginity, I felt totally different, like somehow I was a grownup now or I knew some deep secret that I didn't realize everyone else knew, too. I kept thinking that I looked different, that I wasn't who I was the day before and that if you looked hard enough, you could see it.

That's how I feel now. Do I look different? Older, wiser, sadder, somehow more in tune with the ways of the universe? I don't know, I only know that I did right by her, loving her with all my heart. That probably is making losing her harder but she didn't deserve anything less than all of my love.

What a lovely shot of someone's ass.

It's been one month since Ellie died. I wish I could say that I'm all better but the truth is that I'm not. I miss her all the time, I cry more than I'll ever publicly acknowledge. While I know that she's free from pain, I still miss her like crazy and most likely, always will.

The vet's office where she died told us that there'd be no charge for the office visit. Well...we got a bill for it and I hadn't been in any kind of frame of mind to fight it. Andrea finally called today and they were nice enough to take it off with no charge.

Good thing, because I do not have the strength to talk about the itemized other charges on that bill, much less argue about what we owe.

I guess I'm speechless today. It might be all the candy I had yesterday working it's way out of my system. I spent most of yesterday afternoon running around like Beavis doing Cornholio, saying "I'm fine! I'm fine!" This performance was followed up by me crashing on the couch last night with one hell of a belly ache.

From my mom:
That Bush, he makes me sick!

Vote for Bush
Why? Because Bush, in and of itself is a good thing. Of course George W. Bush is a moron and an unruly boozer, two things that really don't go together well. So don't vote for George Bush, but do support Bush in general.

Someone left a shitload of candy just outside of my fine cube. I've already had way too much and have tourettes.

My fine friend Bryan hasn't updated his site in forever, but he did buy a new domain and he looks like Jesus.

Yes, it's true. I'm back from Ohio. The move was less eventful than I'd imagined, certainly it was way less emotional than I'd dared to hope for. I unintentionally did not have to see my childhood home empty, we went up to the new house before the movers arrived. I'm still quite tired and I guess, speechless.

I told my mom I was thinking of voting for Nader. Her response:
Don't be dumb. Vote for Gore.