I suppose it's a good time to review all of the good and bad of this year but it seems so hard. I struggle every day, every minute, with the loss of Alice. There is a huge gaping hole in my heart where my baby girl once was. I've put away many of her things, the humidifier in the bathroom while she was recovering from pneumonia, her bed in our room, the blankets that no longer smell like her, given away her medicine, put her raincoat on top of her ashes on the shelf. This struggle will not stop anytime soon.

But.... there are still some things worth mentioning about this year, starting with the beginning. Dec. 31, Elliemama has her puppies, including my Rainie Roo

January 5, we finally close on our house

The entire month of January we work our asses off getting our new house ready for us to move in (i.e. de-Guzman'ed, removing as many traces of the decoration style he preferred, but we don't like)

January 15 I join the absolute beginner league at Hockey Workout. With all the work we were doing on the house, was I nuts?
Yes.

Febuary 12 a baby falls on it's head at Hot Pot City. I also realize that I really hate my job and begin dreading going to work.

Early March 2001 I, for no apparent reason, die my hair blonde.

March 26 I learn that on the day I was born, Killing Me Softly by Roberta Flack was the #1 song.

April 9 Amy and I make our long-awaited, much-anticipated trip to the fabulous 60 minute Hour of Power Price is Right!!!

April 19 Alice gets pneumonia again.

April 24 I reveal some truths about First Communion.

May 5-7 we go to Arizona for a hellish vacation as my brother breaks up with his wife but at the end we leave the group and meet Rainie Roo!

May 8 Andrea learns how to play with toys and puppies at the same time.

May 16 I tell the whole story of the last days of Ellie's life. Someday I may do this about Alice, but not anytime soon, it hurts too much.

May 21 my Jimmy Luxury CD arrives and it's worth every day that I'd waited for it. It's in my car CD changer still.

May 30 Alice eats a full bag of Funyons.

June 3 I realize that losing Ellie had effected me in a profound way and that it may have been why I got off on the wrong foot at my job.

June 5 I start playing hockey for real and having a blast. That was the early days, when the Snow Cones were fun.

June 14 I do not save a nice dog named Itakki. She dies at the shelter. Her death will haunt me always.

Sometime in June I lose my job. Why? Maybe I sucked at it, but more like it was a serious conflict between my (undereducated, overpromoted) new boss and I (I was supposed to be groomed for the job, that never happened). I tried to forget that she hadn't gone to college, was younger than me and spoke English as a second language (I was a writer of English as part of the gig) but I guess in the end I couldn't hide my disdain for her politicking ass. I woke up refreshed the day after and was able to use my severance to pay down my car loan. The company laid her ass off 2 months later and will shut down for good on Jan 12. Today is the last day I will harbor resentment towards her, it's a new year tomorrow and she's no longer worth my energy. But just to get it out of my system: bitch.

July 5 I start to realize Alice's approaching mortality.

July 7 I love my new job.

July 25 Rob makes me a fabulous picture.

July the BART adventures begin.

August 20 Alice has pneumonia for the 3rd time in a year. This time almost kills her and I become more and more aware of how fragile she is, that she will one day leave me.

August 28 I wake up with chest pains only to find that I've pulled a muscle in my chest that ends up taking 3 months to heal.

August 30 Murder suspect Nikolay Soltys is found crouched behind a desk with a potato peeler and a mpa of Sacramento. I laugh about this for weeks, okay, months, I'm still laughing today.

Sept 4 my fun company lays my ass off. We all cry and joke about me being found with a potato peeler and a map of Sacramento. The CEO says "thanks, and sorry."

September 6 Andrea and I celebrate 5 years together and for some reason I have nothing to say about the even in my blog. Happy anniversary, honey.

Sept 14 I get a new job.

Sept 24 Andrea and I see a young man become brain dead during a hockey game. He dies 5 days later. Chad Okimoto was 29 years old.

Sept 27 Gus arrives.

October 25 Alice turns 12 the same week that the folks who run the Corn Cam bring in the crop.

November 3 Alicepolooza. 63 beagles appear for the beaglefest celebrating MissAlice's 12th birthday. Did I know then that it would be her last?

November 21 Maybe I did. Alice starts to get sick. We thought it was neck problems, and only after her death found out it was a weird brain infection called GME.

November 29 Alice dies and my heart breaks. It's still breaking, can't you hear it?

December 22 Zeus celebrates a year of being with us. Since we don't know how old he is, we say he turns 8.

December 31 Rainie turns 1 and Gus becomes a permanent member of our family. I decide to start my own hockey team in the spring and abandon the Snow Cones, who are becoming a bunch of bad-playing hotheads.

Happy New Year.