1.31.2001

I guess there's just really nothing of note going on today.

Last night was a tiring night of animals with ants in their pants. First Bennie, the guinea pig, decided to try and make a break for it, then to keep trying. After he calmed down, Zeus was the next to be afflicted and started rolling around on the floor and running around the house. All before 8 am.

1.30.2001

Casual One-Nighter Gives Strom Thurmond Change Of Heart On Gay Issue. Thanks Phil.

This has been perhaps the most stressful couple of weeks of my life. Maybe that's not true but it certainly feels like it.

Miss Ellie's namesake had all 12 of her puppies on New Year's Eve. Ellie's Puppy Album is packed full of cute photos and we're debating about adding one of the little ones to our family this spring.

1.29.2001

I neglected to mention that the last night's hockey game was packed full of highlights. It all started when a guy took to the ice for the very first time. He was falling down the whole time and spent all of his effort trying to stand. When I skated past him and said hang in there, he said 'I am having a very good time' with a very thick Indian accent.

Then there was some bizarre issue with a woman who usually plays in a different league with different rules. Somehow she got the puck between the goalie's legs, then proceeded to try and push it into the net while it was still under him. Which is just bad, no matter how you call it. Agressive motion under anyone's genitals is not ever a good thing. So the goalie (Gerald, a very nice guy) tells the woman to stop, that it's out of play. She (Linda, seemingly nice but something of a loose cannon) starts going off about it, wasting my time and everyone else's. She storms off the ice and continues her hissy fit from the bench, wasting a full minute of playing time.

With as much as that playing time costs, I don't give a shit who's right or who's free to wave a large stick in front of someone's genitals, I just want to play. So quit your bitchin' and start skating, lady!

We are officially free from the clutches of the Evil Landlord. All of our stuff is out and the place seemed pretty damn clean to me, but of course Evil Landlord (and her smarmy husband) found some sticking points so we'll still get dinged for (gasp!) dirty blinds and spots on the oven we never used. The kicker is they said they can keep the deposit if they can't rent the place fast enough since we signed a lease.

First I was pissed but now I don't care. Sure, the money would be a help, we have work on our house to do, but we're free from her annoying voice, hideous dress (hey lady, you sure aren't 25 anymore!) and $2100 a month rent. So hey, bitch, keep your money. We bought a house!

In setting up our new phone, naturally, I called our sorry excuse for a phone company. First there was confuesion because we had 2 lines at the other house and now only want one so even though they took my order they couldn't complete it and had to call me back. Then they asked if I wanted DSL. Knowing that everyone I know who's had it set up went through hell and that I'd rather work at work, I said no.

So what on my porch should appear? A box of DSL stuff. I'm on hold with them now waiting to cancel the order that I never placed.

1.26.2001

Amy, did you get our tickets yet??

Evidently, the aforementioned issues about my dogs being here at work stem from a long time feud between the schmuck and the founders of my company, a spinoff of the parent company who we're lucky enough to continue to share space with. Glad I could make his day by adding fuel to the feud.

So we totally forgot about the implications of the carpet cleaner, meaning that nobody, especially not the dogs, can walk on it today. I figured okay, I'll take them with me to work.

But there's always a shmuck and today I finally met that man. Not only did said shmuck tell me that there's a no dogs policy here but he went on to say that some people had religious objections to them. No, I'm not kidding. He then went on to voice his concerns to our General Manager, who was then obligated to come and talk to me.

I hear that in the early days of our parent company, dogs were everywhere, but not small mellow dogs like mine but big, leash-free dogs who ran rampant and pooped at will. Those dogs always fuck it up for the good dogs.

We will sleep in our new house tonight.

It's about time.

1.25.2001

The schmucks at Bank One who hold our mortgage got our address wrong so who knows where the payment coupons they sent are. The chippie I talked to wouldn't let me change my address and rattled off the account number so fast that I said "how fast do you think I can write?"

Ugh. Shmucks!

Today, I'm missing Ellie Mc Belly more than ever. Probably because our house is now almost empty. Since we had such a short time together, we don't have a lifetime of memories with her, and the ones we do have happened in that house. But we're also leaving behind images of her being so sick she couldn't stand up and in so much pain touching her made her yelp. Her ashes and some overnight stuff are all that's left in the house, they'll go over last.

1.24.2001

I admit it. I finally had the bout of buyer's remorse that everyone said I'd have. Until now, I'd boldly assured them that no, I was perfectly happy with our new house but two nights ago, it hit me. What the hell are we doing buying something so small (I know, it's really as much house as we could afford) , so old (it's still a lot nicer than some of those condos we bid on) and so expensive (it's actually cheaper than rent) but Andrea nicely summed it all up for me. So now I feel better, ready to move in and be done with the whole nasty ass world of renting.

The movers are actually at our house, loading our belongings into a truck. This always goes much more quickly than I think it will, our whole lives trucked away in a matter of hours. Because the floors aren't totally dry, our stuff will be in the kitchen and garage until at least tomorrow, but we're going to be out of our Rental Unit, so woo hoo!

Zeus hearalded the arrival of the movers by launching out the door. Good thing Andrea has quick reflexes or our move would have been stopped while we looked for him. So he's here at work with me, this time in a crate. Alice is here too, being her usual well-behaved self.

1.23.2001

I was totally stressing about how to fill out my W-4 so I got the most possible money back, now that I'm a mortgage-paying homeowner. But fret not! The IRS has a Form W-4 (2000) Withholding Allowance Calculator that rules.

Here's exactly what Monkey Boy Bush needs: The Presidential Palm Helper! Thanks Anne!

Forget what I said about the rain. It's now raining so Andrea has directed the movers to move our crap into the garage. Ugh.

Too funny: Letter 'W' missing from White House keyboards.

I just bought some fabulous new hockey skates and am more excited than I care to admit. When I bought my current pair, I didn't really know what to get and while the instructor at my very first class was telling us how they should fit, I was too busy trying not to throw up to hear what he was saying. As my stuff broke in, I realized quickly that my original skates were in fact too big. But not anymore since these fabulous beauties are on their way!!!

We're almost packed, I think 2 more boxes should take care of it. Good thing since the movers are coming tomorrow. The sun is starting to peek out, and in good time, since the hardwood stain won't dry if it's raining.

1.22.2001

I just can't stop saying Modern Conveniences.

It was a big weekend. The fabulous Gary and his team of merry hardwood refinishers worked like fiends and we now have some lovely floors.

We also hired a plumber to install a gas line so we can get the first of our Modern Conveniences, the dryer running. The guy was none other than Titus. He talked to himself (loudly) and sported heavy-duty overalls and the complimentary tight knit cap. He cracked me up to no end and also installed our Modern Conveniences. Thanks, Rod, aka Titus!

1.19.2001

The house is starting to feel like ours. Moreso, I'm sure, if we ever get all moved in but now that the linoleum is up, the carpet and hideous tile are gone and there's a hip coat of paint in 3 rooms, it sure doesn't feel like it did the first day.

My mom: "Oh you painted the house"
Me: "Yes"
My mom: "White?"
Me: "No. Arid Dune."
My mom: "What color's the bedroom?"
Me: "Blue"
My mom: "Powder blue"
Me: "No, more like a medium blue."
My mom: "(long pause) Oh."

No comment. Constipated Jewel Thief Gives Up Loot

Everyone needs this: TUCOWS Themes People Mahir. I download now!

An old favorite: lesbian or german lady?

Just when I thought I'd seen everything, WAGNER ZENTRAL is the tale of a nice man traversing the world with a bust of Wagner. Escapades include Burning Man, rock climbing and more. I can't imagine having that much free time. Thanks to Zenmaster Rob for the link.

It's true, the house is becoming a money pit. I do think that will change as we upgrade things and everything starts working better but for now it's a real pain in the ass. We finished painting last night, the expert hardwood refinishers are supposed to start today, at long last. As soon as they're done, we'll move in.

I won't rest easy till I'm sleeping in our vibrant blue room, free at last from the clutches of our Evil Landlord.

1.18.2001

No matter what I'm doing, the song Kung Fu Fighting gets me dancing. Even if I'm here in my chair at work.

1.17.2001

And in other good news, my mom found an alternate rug shipper and can send the Rug in Question for a mere $70 instead of $345. My mom, the bargain hunter. No relation to the Crocodile Hunter.

In just a few minutes, I'll be heading to our lovely new home to meet a nice man handing out electrical work. Hopefully, he can install a powerful plug for our hardwood guy and he'll be able to sand and polish, so hopefully, one day we can actually move into the house we bought.

Stay tuned!

Looking at my referrer logs a while back, I wondered why [ a moment of zen ] was linking to little old me. Just today, I realized that it's because she knows me (sort of) in real life. Ahh! Stupid points for Liz...

We've been Internet-free today at work. Which would be okay if we weren't an Internet company.

In case you (Katie) were looking for the The Dialectizer, there it is, and enjoy. Rinkworks also offers many many wonderful things including Movie A Minute (shorter than Cliff Notes) and many other great ways to waste time. Enjoy!!

A very interesting article on the demographics of dogs surrendered at shelters: Dog Owner's Guide:Minimizing owner surrenders.

1.16.2001

Just when I thought I'd seen it all: Petsmart has Hanukkah themed dog toys. Shalom!

I was just thinking about the gargantuan Road Trip Amy and I took this summer (and of course Mr. Lucky and Dick Clark) so I thought I'd add a gratuitous link to it. Because I can.

Tell me why a search on my name brings up the Perkins Family Homepage - A Resource for Christian Families.??

From the good people at Venture Wire comes this tidbit:
Net Ball Retailer JustBalls Raises $13 Million in Round C
PRINCETON, N.J. (VENTUREWIRE) -- JustBalls, an online retailer of sports balls and accessories, announced the completion of a Series C round at $13 million led by new investor Zesiger Capital Group with participation by Blue Rock Capital, the lead investor in Series B. Lisa Hess, a managing director at Zesiger Capital Group, will join the board of directors at JustBalls as a result of the financing. Jim Medalia, president and founder of JustBalls, reported that the capital will be used to meet sales and customer demand. Investors in JustBalls include David Wetherell, CEO of CMGI; Bob Davis, CEO of Lycos; Jafco America; and Bantry Bay Ventures.
http://www.justballs.com

I couldn't get enough hockey, so I went to the beginner class last night. We scrimaged at the end of class, which is always tiring but fun. One guy, though, was so agressive that it was kinda scary. Our regular instructor wasn't there so the guy filling in didn't pay attention as this agressive bastard was swinging his stick wildly, chopping mine away from the puck (instead of skating faster to get away from me) and even holding onto my stick. I was like 'hey! this is a BEGINNER CLASS, not the NHL, and you sir, are no Wayne Gretzky.

In the end, I started fighting back and I do suppose that playing against someone like him will only help in the long run but it's startling nonetheless.

1.15.2001

Because I couldn't get enough of Survivor, I recorded Temptation Island, where 4 couples go to some hip island off of Belize to be tempted by scores of sexy people brought there exclusively to encourage them to stray.

I totally understand why people would want to go on Survivor or Big Brother (which would be more my speed since I'm no good at squatting) but this? This is playing with a very precious thing in a very public way. If it's too much to ask of your mate to go 12 days without cheating on you then there's something very wrong.

Andrea totally had @#$%& tourett's today.

Woo hoo! My new Kinesis keyboard came in no time from my friends at Safe Computing.

What this means for you:
No more LizCam shots of my cube wall because I've been trying to shake whatever crap is inside my keyboard loose, freeing my n,h,y and 6 keys.

Enjoy!

Face it, I'm a geezer
I got email about my upcoming 10th high school reunion, asking to be part of the planning stages (I know, it's not my style but now that I'm a grown-up, I figured I'd give it a shot, I don't have to try and be a popular kid now). Every suggestion the coordinator had were for events centered around drinking. This bothered me. I know Columbus is a boring town, but after 10 years apart I'm not sure that I want to travel 3,000 miles to get drunk. I can do that here, with people, who for the most part, treat me a lot better than those yahoos.

Am I a geezer or just not wanting to waste a vacation drinking I'm not the Unruly Boozer (nor the Rowdy Dyke) I used to be.

What a weekend! Friday night, we bought this nasty stuff to try and get the remainder of the goop off the floor in the back bedroom (someday this room will be our Den Of Love) before the hardwood guy came at 8:30 a.m. Saturday. The crap we bought was so strong I halluncinated. It also ate the paint off of the can it came in, but it did not remove all of the goop from that room.

We headed home at 1:30, fully expecting Mr. Hardwood to start work the next morning. But no, the generator we'd reserved for him wasn't strong enough and now he can't come out until the 22nd. A problem, since our movers are coming on the 19th. So we're frantically trying to find someone who can not only do the work this week, but who can find their own generator.

In hockey news, I joined the beginner league at Hockey Workout. There were a number of folks playing for the first or second time so I actually looked pretty good. No, not Wayne Gretzky or Cammie Granado good, but Liz good and that's enough. Our team scored only 2 goals, but I scored one of them!!! Woo hoo!!

I was so excited about my goal that I forgot to keep playing, but that's okay. All the struggle has been worth it, hockey is fun.

1.12.2001

THE SENILITY PRAYER
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Okay, that's it. I'm tired of being tired. Things have really picked up at work, so I'm mentally exhausted at the end of the day, then we head to the new house for another session of painting and scraping up putty (in case you were wondering, wet putty feels like mushy dog poop) to get ready for the hardwood guy, who comes tomorrow at 8:30 am.

My morning walks with the dogs are getting slower and slower, I hope they don't notice.

1.11.2001

We went to the Flames Coffee Shop for dinner. The hostess looks a looks a lot like Flo from Alice, yes that's right, kiss my grits Flo. If you don't know what Alice was, please fire up Nick at Nite and pretend that I'm not a geezer.

Anyway, we were at the counter paying for our fine meal and discussing the cost of shipping the rug when Flo spoke up, telling us about the Sears card she had gotten without asking for it, never used it, just kept it in her (big brown vinyl) purse until a telemarketer called her about life insurance. She listened politely and gave him a fake birthdate (1952) and ended the call by asking for a brochure in the mail.

That nasty telemarketer charged Flo $128 to her unused Sears card. As she told us this story, I couldn't stop looking at her huge hair or the thick swab of makeup on her face and thinking "if Amy was here, we'd both be laughing." Then I started laughing and had to excuse myself.

That Flo.

In honor of Zeus' presence here at work today, the LizCam is now the ZeusCam. That way, I can keep an eye on him without turning around and catching his attention.

Here's a helpful article: The Basics -- Steals on wheels: a simple way to save $10,000. Will that stop me from buying a brand new car when I'm ready? Probably not but at least I'll think twice about it.

I've always been close to my mom. When I was in kindergarten, there were many days where I couldn't bear to go. We'd roll up and I'd start to cry, I so much wanted to be with her instead of in that classroom. More often than not, she'd give in and we'd head off for a fun afternoon. We've stayed close throughout most of my life (that rough period after I announced my sexual orientation notwithstanding) but lately it's gotten hard to take. She's under a ton of stress arranging care for my Grandmother and dealing with her siblings who range in helpfulness from ass-wiping to no effort beyond bitching from far away). I respect that and have done my best to be there for her, but right now that means dealing with a lot of her emotional runoff and I'm afraid it's more than I can bear.

So we bought this house, with no help from Andrea's family or mine. To do that, we've borrowed 100% of the money but it doesn't matter, we have a house. My mom also bought a new house this year, one with carpet throughout so all her rugs are in storage. Our house has hardwood floors (or does now that we've ripped up the hideous carpet, linoleum and tile that was covering it) so I asked if we could have one of the 5 (expensive and nice) rugs that are in storage. It's going to cost $345 to ship the one rug that we really want but mom's all set to spring for it.

Or at least she was until she ambushed me a few minutes ago with one of those phone calls where she's on the verge of tears, saying that now she wants me to have it but she'd rather pay up to $500 for a new one. What the fuck?? I can't deal with that kind of emotion over a rug.

This year, I've become her emotional scapegoat. How the hell do you stop this kind of crazy emotional roller coaster ride? I'm a nice person but I can't let myself get walked on anymore. It throws me way off then I can hardly work and how would I pay for this house if I can't do that?

AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!

1.10.2001

While looking for the most excellent game Snood, I found this other, creepy kind of snood.

We've spent so much time painting at the house that things now smell funny to me if there isn't a paint smell.

Alice is enjoying her day at the office, she's getting treats every hour as well as a steady stream of visitors. I'd have her wave for the camera, but then she'd shed all over me.

Poor Alice. This morning after our hellish walk in the rain, Zeus was running around like a madman, barking and tearing through the house. Alice was in the kitchen, since I was in there too and you never know if some food might fall. As Zeus tore through the room, Alice was in his way and got knocked over pretty hard. She's still a bundle of energy but seems to be more fragile than she used to be. Today, she's having a rest day here at work with me.

George W. Bush or Chimpanzee? is the funniest thing. I can't stop looking at it. via Andrea

Yet another company I interviewed with, Savvio has gone under. A sign of the times, I guess.

1.09.2001

"If I put a bucket on my head and you don't laugh, it's time to go home."

Went by the house today at lunch, it's still as charming as it was when we were there last. And the garbage service even dropped off new containers so we can recycle in style. I haven't been jumping for joy about it because getting it was such a pain in the ass, I guess I can hardly believe that it's already happened. We were outbid (by a lot) 4 times before we got it, each bid was fraught with disappointment so after a while, we stopped getting our hopes up. Somehow, when we saw our house, I knew it would work out but there wasn't the great emotional build up that you might expect.

I am, however, extremely glad that we found a freestanding house, complete with garage and a yard.

I heard on the radio this morning that a Rudy Boesch action figure is in the works. Anyone have any info on this?

My Current Dilemma
I've been a loyal Volkswagen owner for most of my 11 driving years. I've been the proud owner of:
  • '85 Quantum
  • '87 Fox
  • '95 Jetta
  • '99 Passat
  • '72 Squareback
No, not all at the same time, just in recent years the Squareback and the Passat. I bought the Passat after 8 grueling hours at the Evil Nissan dealership, where I haggled with a man named Babu, then 4 of his bosses over a Pathfinder. At the last moment, as I was about to sign for it (they'd even filled the gas tank for me) my Jetta winked at me and I lost it, started crying and walked out, grateful that I hadn't signed anything.

The next day I bought my Passat, happy to still have a VW but secretly wishing that it was a sporty SUV. You could say that I got that car under duress.

VW has been working feverishly with Porsche to create an SUV:

which is kinda cool but not really because it's rumored to cost anywhere from $30,000 to $35,000. Hello? It's a Volkswagen, you know, the car for the people. Where do they get off pricing it that high?

So, with all this in mind, I'm preparing to depart from my old friend VW and invest in the sporty yet relatively inexpensive Mazda Tribute.

The fabulous Carol found the equally fabulous Romenesko's Obscure Store and Reading Room, now one of my daily reads. It's like the Onion, but real.

Allow me to wish Amy a happy birthday.

1.08.2001

The Marginal Prophets totally rule. If you haven't heard their music, do so now.

I'm a homeowner! We spent the weekend ripping up linoleum, carpet and the most hideous tile you've ever seen, all to get ready for the hardwood refinisher who's supposed to come tomorrow. Hard work but pretty damn satisfying.

1.05.2001

We have a house!! Our realtor called to tell us that our new ownership had been recorded, so we tromped over to Chez Liz y Andrea to get the keys. The (now) former owners were still there, trying to pack their lives in to a Ryder truck, a pickup and the family van. It was sad in a way, they gave away a ton of stuff and left a big pile behind (someone's hauling it away tomorrow) as well as some salad dressing in the fridge. They cried as they pulled away but in that moment the house became ours. We're officially free from evil landlord and can decorate any way we choose. Woo hoo!

Anyone in South Carolina looking for a great dog? Animal Allies just saved over 113 animals from a trailer, they have daschunds, beagles, terriers and a whole lot of mixes that desperately need good homes.

We get the keys to our new house in 1.5 hours. I should be excited, I am excited, but with all the crap we went through to get it, at this point I just want it to be over so we can get in there and start painting. The movers don't come until the 19th, leaving us plenty of time to ready the place.

1.04.2001

Caution: this is not for the faint of heart:
This little dog needs some serious help. People do some seriously fucked-up shit to their dogs. I ask, why bother getting a dog (or any animal) if you're going to be a sick bastard about it?

In case you were wondering how my childhood looked and where my love affair with beagles began:

Everyone needs to take a Coffee Break With Pope John Paul II 1.1. Find out how! Thanks, Andrea

1.03.2001

After the rather dismal, tourette's-filled hockey game on New Year's Eve, Andrea and I returned to my parent's house and watched Dick Clark ring in his 110th New Year's Rockin' Eve. I got out the family albums and took that walk down amnesia lane.

I'd love to say that my recollection of middle school and high school is overblown, that I really had a fabulous time and the kids loved me. But that's not true, I had a mediocre/terrible time and by and large, the kids didn't love me. From the first day at school, I felt different. Not just because I would grow up to dig chicks but for reasons I still can't explain.

Looking at the pictures from those years, I can only pluck out one meaningful friendship, a scant one person in my class who I'm proud to talk to today. That would be Dan (aka Mr. Hurky Flurky) because he was different, too, and because he, too, would grow up to dig chicks. I know that kids that age aren't supposed to be nice, the turmoil caused by rapid hormone expansion pretty much guarantees some meanness, but damn, the kids of my school took it too far.

It's a good thing I'm the belle of the ball now, otherwise I'd have grown up thinking I was the person those kids were picking on.

I can't stop staring at the Chimpokemon Icons at Angel Baby.

In keeping with my new hockey obsession, we rented Mystery Alaska while in Columbus. When a Zamboni is delivered, my parents developed Zamboni tourette's, wondering what one is, then going on to speculate that it's a locomotive or some sort of train engine.

Did I mention that now Andrea, aka GadgetGrrl has her own blog? Her description of our trip to Ohio is all too accurate and once again making me want to kiss the warm California ground.

The Story of the DailyFoodCam
There's a table outside my cube where people often leave leftovers or food baskets they didn't want, or just want to share. In the past, people were told to ask permission before taking this food, since our company is a spinoff of a bigger company and is still in the same building. That legacy remains and I'm asked at least once a day about the availability of said food. Not only that, people feel obligated to converse with the nearest person (me) about the food.

So as a hommage to those conversations, I offer you, my loyal readers, the DailyFoodCam. Enjoy!

Well, kids, I've added a DailyFoodCam, to track the progress of the leftover bounty people put on the table outside of my cube. I'll update that daily.

The cute little house in the upper right hand corner is our new house. Enjoy!

I may not be saying much, but little elves are working feverishly behind the scenes to make spiffy site enhancements.

1.02.2001

While in Columbus, we ate some almost ethnic food at the KA YA Grill, which used to be a Rax Roast Beef.

In other news, yard waste day at the new house will be Wednesday!

Now I'm setting up cable, the customer service guy called me Mrs. Is there something in my voice that makes me sound married, or grown up enough to be?

Setting up the phone for our new house, Pac Bell shows someone named Fernando having a phone and living in the garage. Great!

The reason our new house is on the market is this: a man and his wife bought it for $137,000 and as it increased in value, they thought, cool, I'll borrow against the increasing value until now, they owe almost $200,000 on it and can't meet the monthly payments. Today, while visiting our house for the final walk-through, the man said 'my family said they should have pitched in and bought the house for me.'

How am I supposed to react to that? I understand that he likes the house and his money troubles are why we got the house (that, and the fact that he overpriced it at first) but what could I say? The time for such heroic efforts has long past, please get on with your life so we can get into our new house.

There's a whole lot more emotion involved than just moving into an apartment.

Hey kids, we just bought a house. We closed escrow today and will recieve our keys on Friday. Stay tuned!!

It's about time--Cooper will not return to Ohio State

We're back! We gave notice to our landlord last Friday (I think) and she seemed stunned and would get back to us about our move-out date. We finally discussed it and all of a sudden, BAM! it became real. I switched into panic mode and wanted to go home at that moment so we could start packing.

As it was, we left a little early and still got in at the same time. During our 5 hours in Minneapolis, we met a precocious 2 1/2 year old, Maxwell, who knew what prop planes and photosynthesis were. We also were near a flight that had a passenger allergic to peanuts--could everyone please turn in their peanuts? Have I missed something? Is a peanut allergy now an airborne problem? Are adults with this allergy not smart enough to avoid peanuts? I'm not sure, but Andrea laughed so hard she wept at this.

At one point, Grandma told Andrea to reach out and spank my butt because it's a "nice, smooth, butt." Thanks Grandma. She also instructed her to pinch my butt on the plane.