4.30.2001

Some things just defy comment: eBay item 1138071899 (Ends Apr-30-01 18:28:12 PDT) - WILD 1983 Nancy Reagan & Mr. T Xmas postcard

It doesn't get much better than Mr T. vs Bob Barker. In celebrating today's airing of our Price episode, Amy and I have decided to make a return trip, where we'll do our best to get picked this time. I think I'll do an interpretive dance about spinning the big wheel and the advantages of spaying and neutering your pets.

I just think that IBM's Peace, Love and Linux campaign is cool. Where else can you live where the billboards spout love for an OS -- and most of us know what that means?

I can't bring myself to take my Price is Right nametag off the shirt I wore that day. It's hanging proudly in the laundry nook.

I can't wait to get home and watch my taped episode of Price is Right where Amy and I are waving proudly from 3 rows back!!

Ummm....okay. eBay item 1233679535 (Ends May-04-01 13:53:05 PDT) - Primitive Americana Annie Doll - 29" - NR

I need these: Snoopy Stamps!! Snoopy has been my pal for as long as I can remember. Christmas, 1981, brought me a stuffed Snoopy who was only retired 2 years ago. Through thick and thin, he was there, that's why any of my friends who have babies can count on getting a Snoopy from me.

4.27.2001

Working from home today, though the connection is so spotty, I'm not getting a lot done. Back to the office and more sporadic blogging on Monday.

4.26.2001

I'm not sure that MSN is the place I want to go for advice on kissing....MSN Love & Relationships

For all that Andrea has to say about water, you'd think she'd drink more of it.

This summary of last week's Survivor is too funny. And startlingly accurate.

The mason-dixon line:

Andrea is buying a First Communion card for our neighbor's grandkid, who has her big day on Saturday. Every card talks about Jesus filling you with his love (sounds like incest to me) or heaven or this magical day. I don't have the heart to tell the kid that in the end, it's just some guy giving you a wafer.

Finally, the truth comes out: Gay-Pride Parade Sets Mainstream Acceptance Of Gays Back 50 Years.

4.25.2001

Overheard someone at lunch today say that her office is next door to a "Jewish church for gay and lesbian people" then go on to desribe it's proximity to leather stores, where "lesbians can get those leather pants that they wear." Who knew that the Lesbian Dress Code involved leather? Not me, I'm just not into chafing.

It's been a long day. Maybe I'm just exhausted, maybe I'm burnt out, I don't know. Don't ask me for a favor today, I think I'd just say no.

Today, I'm tired of being nice to people, tired of trying to help them, of being generous and getting shit on in return. Just for once, can't somebody return a favor that I do? Just once?

JAPANESE GOVERNMENT MAKES SHOCK ANNOUNCEMENT

Following the discovery of numerous small holes nibbled in mattresses in Tokyo, the Japanese Government have today confirmed the worst fears of the city's residents.

Government officials have declared that they have an outbreak of Futon Mouse Disease on their hands.

4.24.2001

In case you were wondering how our puppy is progressing:


With her brother Rocky (left), who is headed to his new home in Anaheim soon.

This is the funniest picture ever: Floyd reads from his new book.

Don't even ask me how I found this: American Cajun Novelty Gifts and Novelties, your home for rattlesnake belts, painted cow skulls, beaver skull walking canes and more.

4.23.2001

I've been quiet today because work has been rather busy (why does every crisis, large and small, have to happen at the same time?) and because I tore up half of our backyard yesterday with the Garden Claw. It's a shitload easier than pulling weeds (yes, the ENTIRE yard was weeds) but still migh-tee painful the next day.

I heard Monkey Boy George W. Bush talking about our neighbor to the south, Mexico. Here's how he pronounces it: Mex-ee-co.

Just when I thought I'd seen it all, a very nice woman contacted me about adopting one of our rescue dogs (our as in the rescue, not as in my house). I was all set to put her in touch with the woman who has the dog when she told me about her other dog, a 1 year old female who isn't spayed because they're planning on breeding her.

Are you fucking crazy? Why would I adopt one of my rescue dogs to you if you think that it's OKAY to bring more &*(!@&*!(@& puppies into the world? I won't.

4.20.2001

My good friends at Menopause Online also know about that nasty drug: What's Wrong With Premarin?

I had no idea that Hormone Replacement Therapy for women in menopause involved Premarin, a 56 year old drug made from the urine of pregnant mares. There's an entire industry that revolves around getting horses pregnant, collecting their pee and selling it to drug companies. The 'byproducts' of this are horses, who are either left in the cold to die or slaughtered. What kind of shit is that and why would anyone knowingly want to put horse piss into their body? Read more about it but it's not pretty. This world is seriously fucked up.

A poem for Alice, from our friend Casey who is headed this way
Alice, please get better
We want to meet you soon.
We want you hale and hearty
So you can greet us with a big ARROOOOOOOO

So, Alice, please get better
We're coming to your town
We want to see you healthy
And running all around.

4.19.2001

The poor guy who owns the Survivor.com domain tells his story. Even though I visited Television City and had a great time, some of those people at CBS are fuckers for not helping the guy out with a banner ad.

In honor of tonight's Survivor episode, let me take you back to the year 2000, to a time when my hair was red.

Another long night with Alice started when we came home and she was breathing hard, like it took her whole body to get a breath. We waited with her to see if it would improve and eventually wound up at the emergency vet, where x-rays confirmed that she has aspiration pneumonia for the second time in a year. They wanted to keep her overnight but with a cost estimate of $344-$750, we figured that we could slap her on her back to get the fluid up ourselves. It was a new vet for us, closer to our new house and Alice was NOT comfortable there. We figured if we could get her through the night with minimal discomfort, she'd be better off at our regular vet's in the morning.

The vet is worried, like, why has this happened more than once, it's not supposed to be a recurring thing, so we're going to look into that and in the meantime, our backyard project of ripping up the weeds posing as grass in our backyard and replacing it with sod that we can keep short enough that she'll be less interested in eating it will be bumped up to this weekend. Though my mom pointed out that 'having someone come in and do that is expensive.' Yes, Mom, that's why we're that somoene.

She was feeling much better by this morning and hopefully the Baytril will work it's magic for her once again. She's spending today in the wing she paid for at our regular vet's office.

4.18.2001

I need your help. My hockey team is nameless and I'm trying to come up with some really good ones. Got any suggestions for me?

Someone sitting near me is explaining something to some who must not be getting it. No less than 8 times in the last 30 seconds have I heard "edit means edit!" In case you were wondering.

In case I didn't mention it, which I don't think I did.... Remember the beagle/pointer mix who was unceremoniously dumped at the shelter after 10 years with a family? I scrambled to place our other (less endearing) foster beagle, Chester, and visited the shelter to tell them that if his time ran out, I'd take Bagel. Naturally, Bagel suckered me as I walked away from his kennel and I took him home with me last week. Since then we've placed Chester and had Bagel neutered. He's the nicest dog ever.

In other news, my cohort in rescue is out of town so I'm getting a lot more emails and phone calls than usual. It's amazing how much people expect me to know and be able to do. Today's emails include 2 about dogs we don't have in rescue, dogs I've never heard of, with such detail as this:

I was wondering about the sacramento Ca puppy. can you tell me more info?? There is no puppy

Or this:

I AM IN SACRAMENTO AND INTERESTED IN THE FEMALE BEAGLE AT THE SHELTER. PLEASE SEND ME MORE INFO WHEN POSSIBLE. This dog could be the dog in Tracy, but since our website lists a number of female dogs in shelters, how am I supposed to know???

Another family has an agressive dog and wanted to tell me all about his agressiveness but not take my advice about how to correct it. Well, shit, if you're not going to listen, don't call me. I could always bill them for my time, which is the one thing you can't write off.

Finally, the truth is revealed about the Chia Head, ChiaPineTree explains all mysteries, thanks to Kevin. Nice work!

4.17.2001

Oh ye Citizens of Denver, I offer you Jesus of the Week 2001.

On Sunday, I gave up and told the shelter where the pit bull I'd hit was staying that I was officially out of options, that they should let him go. I cried for him and asked Ellie to look out for him. I guess she was, but not in the way I'd thought. I got a call from the rescue group associated with the shelter this morning -- he's alive and in foster care with one of the shelter employees! He'll be starting treatment for his broken leg this week.

Sometimes you do get a miracle.

4.16.2001

While I know the guy in the last post, it was this page I was hunting for, the timeless classic: White And Suburban Pimp.

I know this guy: GOP Candidate - Shawn Haybron.

Being blonde opens up a whole different world than before, when I was a brownish/reddish head. First off, men notice me now. I'm still chubby but for some reason the blonde-ness makes that okay. A nice man at Disneyland told me the fireworks were just for me and then last Friday, a hippie-looking punk at my local gas station made lame small talk about the weather and the weekend (all the while I'm waiting for him to ask for bus fare). He caps off his lame diatribe by asking what I'm doing this weekend ("housework" was my snappy retort) then delivering the big bang -- he'd like to spend time with me this weekend and could he have my number? I squwaked out loud NO! and sped off.

When I told Andrea about this encounter and how he wanted my number, she only said 'why?' That's how un-wise we both are in the ways of being picked up.

You must see this! Fart within the matrix. Thanks Brig.

All you swingers our there looking for a love connection, here's your place, The Friendship Express - The Swingers Connection !!!

A possible Snoopy video game? How sweet would that be? Infogrames snags Peanuts

4.13.2001

A very sad thing
On the way to LA, a dog ran in front of my car. I slowed down as much as I could but bam! we hit him. He's a young pit bull, neutered, had been somebody's pet. We took him to the Hollister shelter, where he's been sitting for 7 days with no medical treatment. He seems to be perfectly nice but with so many pit bulls in rescue or in shelters, there's no hope for him. I've tried everything I could think of to find him a home, even a temporary one, but with no luck. I've offered to drive him anywhere, pay his vet bills and dance on a pole if someone could help but I'm afraid his time is up and he'll be another sad statistic very soon.

If you have a miracle that you can concoct out of thin air for young Jiggs email me.

Always a classic: The Gettysburg Powerpoint Presentation.

Doh! Themestream bites the dust.

4.12.2001

In case you've been looking, you can find men in panty hose at boy cross dressers. Note: this link is not for readers under 18 (Megan, that means you!) or anyone who sits out in the open at work.

Today my retired friend, Jim, left me a voicemail reminding me (among other things) to keep going to work so his social security checks keep coming. I sure will, Jim!

4.11.2001

I often struggle with eating meat. While I know that it's a bad thing, I adore many meat products and have a hard time giving it up. I've tried more than once, even going 9 months at a stretch, but eventually giving up. Maybe I'll try again with help from the Vegetarian Starter Kit.

For those hoping for greater coverage of our trip to the Price is Right, here's a little:

  • 3:00 a.m. wake our sorry asses up
  • 3:45 a.m. begin the trek to Television City
  • 4:30 a.m. get lost on the way to Television City
  • 4:45 a.m. backtrack and finally arrive at the hallowed halls of Television City. I'd always imagined it to be a village, chock full of outdoor sets and whatnot but no, in fact, it's a big office building without a lot of windows. But it does say CBS on it, as well as a lovely sign that said 'Welcome to CBS.'
  • 4:50 a.m. take our place in the ever-growing line
  • 5:00 a.m. the college chippies in front of us don't speak but rather, whip out a small pump and some balloons and commence making balloon animals. I am not kidding.
  • 5:15 a.m. the chippies have balloon hats stretching 3 feet above their heads and are still not talking to us. By this point, a lot more people are behind us including some very scary Price regulars, coming to their 6th taping. All stories were told with voices that revealed a lifetime of smoking and booze. These folks arrived in their RV.
  • 6:00 a.m. the security guard handed out numbers and let us into the gates of Television City, where we commenced waiting on cold-ass metal benches until 7:30, when they handed out different numbers. We also experienced the CBS Store, where I bought 4 Bob postcards, a sweatshirt and a Price pen. During this time, a loud man arrived and stood on the benches, shouting at us, wondering if we felt blessed. A fat skeevy guy walked by and said 'Preacher Man,' to which Amy replied 'White Trash Man.'
  • 7:30 a.m. some other guy hands out a new ticket with a new number and we're told to come back at 9:30. So we leave and have breakfast at some diner nearby without a full set of indoor plumbing. Ick.
  • 9:30 a.m. we return with our special numbers and are seated next to our balloon animal friends in order of the numbers. These benches are on the other side of the building but are still cold. At this time, we meet Joanne, who is busy pasting no less than 6 laminated name tags that say Joanne all over herself. She's here for her husband, Larry, who has a similar getup.
  • 10:00 a.m. the pages start creating our nametags, which have to say our legal name. All these weeks of practicing "Liiiiizz Dow--tay!! Come on down!!" are now replaced by "Eeeee-lizabeth Dow-tay!" which is not the same.
  • 11:30 a.m. at this point I'm tired and grumpy. The producers start interviewing everyone, asking only where we're from and what we do. Everyone besides Amy and I was retired or in college.
  • 12:45 p.m. we line up on the 3rd set of benches outside the studio
  • 1:05 p.m. the moment we've waited 8 hours for, we're let into Bob Barker studios. It's way smaller than I can describe and even smells like the 70's. I wasn't excited until the monitors fired up with a test pattern that said "Price."
  • 1:10 p.m. Rod Roddy came on stage (which was only a few feet away since the place is so damn small) to warm us up. He told bad jokes about our butts and asked us to smile. Naturually he sported a sequined jacket and made those silly faces. He also told us that Bob would be entering from the back today.
  • 1:15 p.m. Bob Barker enters the room, giving high-fives as he came down the aisle. In person he looks older than on TV, he had so much makeup on, he should be in a wax museum or an animatronic person on the Pirates of the Carribean. During the commercials he talked to us and it was a great time. I was so nervous I'd get called up, I was actually relieved when I didn't, I most certainly would have needed an incontinence pad.
More later, but it was great fun, though I'm in no hurry to go through all that rigamorole any time soon. If only Price had a FastPass like they do at Disneyland....

4.10.2001


Our new puppy, Maddie, currently named Rainie. She'll be arriving on May 6. We can't wait.

Dan has been looking for this magazine and here it is: Issues Magazine. Enjoy!

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

Our engineering group is moving upstairs and I'm being relocated. They've been talking about doing this since Christmas, and since then no less than 8 people have asked for my port number, which is located behind my monitor so 8 times I've had to stop what I was doing, move my monitor and look. Finally, I asked the last guy who wanted it why they couldn't talk to each other. He seemed kind of pissed that I'd asked but shit, isn't somebody writing this down?

In other news, my 6 inches of window space will be lost in this move. It's another fabulous day at the office.

Did I mention that I'm tired?

Woo hoo! Ellie's Puppy Album has been updated. I think Rainie will be coming home with us on May 6, but Lexie is also a contender. They're all adorable, and mom Ellie is still the belle of the ball.

We're back. It was great. I'm tired.

4.05.2001

The Price is Right Swimsuit Galleries

Rudy Speaks
As for Richard Hatch, the homosexual winner, Boesch said: "I don't hang around guys like that. When we parted I shook his hand and said, 'Don't ever call me.' But he did. He called me a couple weeks ago. I guess he's starting a radio show, and he wanted me to call in to the show. I did."

From Rudy Boesch: Still Enjoying His 15 Minutes.

As Amy and I prepare for our big trip to "Price", she found some great links: Splendido! You sing the hits!, a handsome lyrical parody of TPIR's classic 'Furniture Showcase' music. Enjoy!

As Amy and I prepare for our big trip to "Price", she found some great links: Splendido! You sing the hits!, a handsome lyrical parody of TPIR's classic 'Furniture Showcase' music. Enjoy!

If our renovation plans fall through, we can always build a Straw-Bale House.

So I say to a co-worker that I'm headed to LA tomorrow for the Big Trip and of course, the taping of the Price is Right. She says to me "to each his own," as if this trip is stupid. Hey lady, it ain't Paris but it's my dream, don't step on it.

4.04.2001

Last night some of my hockey friends had a scrimmage at the Ice Centre of San Jose, home of the Nice Ice, (no dents), full-sized ice and most notably rules. I committed 5 penalties, off-sides, but managed to score my first goal on the Big Ice. It was a big night.

From Dan: "I'm the biggest damn rambler on the face of the earth."

I did not write this, but I wish I had:

America has engaged in some finger wagging lately because California doesn't have enough electricity to meet its needs. The rest of the country (including George W. Bush's energy secretary Spencer Abraham, who wants Californians to suffer through blackouts as justification for drilling for oil in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, and who won't do his job in making sure wholesale energy prices don't go haywire) seems to be just fine with letting Californians dangle in the breeze without enough power to meet their needs. They laugh at Californians' frivolity.

Well, everybody. Here's how it really is:

California ranks 48th in the nation in power consumed per person.

California grows more than half the nation's fruit, nuts and vegetables. We're keeping them. We need something to eat when the power goes out.

We grow 99 percent or more of the nation's almonds, artichokes, dates, figs, kiwifruit, olives, persimmons, pistachios, prunes, raisins and walnuts. Hope you won't miss them.

California is the nation's number one dairy state. We're keeping our dairy products. We'll need plenty of fresh ones since our refrigerators can't be relied upon. Got milk?

We Californians are gonna keep all our high-tech software in state. Silicon Valley is ours, after all. Without enough electricity, which you're apparently keeping for yourselves, we just plain don't have enough software to spare.

We're keeping all our airplanes. California builds a good percentage of the commercial airliners available to fly you people to where you want to go. When yours wear out, you'd better hope Boeing's Washington plant can keep you supplied. There isn't enough electricity here to allow us to export any more planes than we need ourselves. And while we're at it, we're keeping all our high-tech aerospace stuff, too, like the sophisticated weapons systems that let you sleep at night, not worried you might wake up under the rule of some foreign kook. Oh, yeah, and if you want to make a long-distance call, remember where the satellite components and tracking systems come from. Maybe you could get back in the habit of writing letters.

Want to see a blockbuster movie this weekend? Come to California. We make them here. Since we'll now have to make them with our own electricity, we're keeping them. Even if we shot them somewhere else, the labs, printing facilities, editing facilities, and sound facilities are all here.

Want some nice domestic wine? We produce over 17 million gallons per year. We'll need all it to drown our sorrows when we think about the fact that no matter how many California products we export to make the rest of America's lives better, America can't see its way clear to help us out with a little electricity. You can no longer have any of our wine.

You all complain that we don't build enough power plants. Well, you don't grow enough food, write enough software, make enough movies, build enough airplanes and defense systems or make enough wine.

And remember, if California were it's own country, our GNP would make us the 11th richest in the world!

This is your last warning, America. Lighten (us) up before it's too late.

Love,
The Californians

Anything you ever wanted to know about Navy planes, ships and guns.

Anyone else remember the good old days at beyond?

The secret language of air-cooled VW people
I drove the Squareback to work today and on my way I passed an almost identical (though not covered in a giant beyond.com sticker the way mine is) Squareback. We eyed each other, then the driver made his move, honking and waving.

That's a secret language I'm happy to speak! The language of exhaust smell and driving slowly because you can't drive any faster. Ahh, it's a beautiful thing.

In case you were wondering what former survivors (though not the King, Rudy) think of the current show: Survivor: The Australian Outback - Kangaroo Court.

Jodie Foster: Pregnant Again, and of course no comment about the "father." I know everyone wants to know and when I have my own kid I'll share that sort of info but hey, she's always been super private. I would be too, if some guy tried to kill the president for me.

4.03.2001

My day started out just fine. I picked my 72 VW Squareback up from the shop, with a completely replaced fuel line, she no longer smells like gas! and drove into work, minding my own business. When I walked in the door, there's my boss, coming out of a meeting that I should have been in. Totally missed the invite email so I had no idea. That, and the big project I've been working on made it slightly out of my hands and is completely broken on our staging servers.

If I wasn't going to "Price" next Monday, I'd be having a much worse day.

4.02.2001

How shitty is this? Dot-com jobs go, so do their W-2s (4/01/2001). My condolences to all the dot-com layoff victims who are fighting this insane battle.

The all time best photo of Monkey Boy George W. Bush: Experts Confirm that George W. Bush is the Missing Link.

My Ellie would have had a birthday yesterday. I imagine she would have been 14, but we'll never know. Loving her was a 6 month, 8 day long whirlwind of love, McDonald's and pain management. I wouldn't trade a second of that time for anything. Happy birthday, sweet girl. I miss you every day.

We visit our local humane society every couple of weeks or so. I haven't cried there in a long time, but Saturday we met two very special dogs who got a shitty deal from their families. Bagel is 10 years old, his family left him behind when they moved (fuckers) so they gave him to a friend. The friend (also a fucker) kept him for 3 weeks then handed him a death sentence by dropping him off at the shelter.

More very nice dogs are also there and in dire need of homes.

Look! There is a dog park not too far from my house! MIYUKI DOG PARK. We took Alice and Zeus to one a few weeks ago and they had a blast. Alice was so tired she could hardly walk but kept on sniffing until the moment we had to leave. Zeus ran around so much he started limping at the end. Both slept the entire way home and the rest of the day. Once we have our puppy, I'll want to hit a dog park fairly often.

The most common reason people don't have their pets spayed or neutered:
  1. Costs too much money (even though we give then information about our low cost neuter/spay program. Only costs $25 to have a dog neuter/spayed. You can spend that much taking a family of 4 to McDonalds!)
  2. It is not "natural" (inspite of all the research and literature explaining how much healthier it is for your animal in the long run, especially if you are not a breeder).
  3. They wanted their children to experience the "joy" of birth (this one I never understood)
  4. They are siblings from the same litter, why would they have sex together? that's incest (this comment was from a college graduate no less)
  5. "In case" they wanted to breed the dog (do you have homes for any puppies that may result from this "breeding"? what exactly do you know about "breeding"? have you visited a rescue group recently and seen all the dogs already waiting for homes?)
  6. My favorite -- I forgot, or I was too busy (then why get a dog?)
Come on kids, have your pet spayed or neutered. Leave less work for the people who work rescue.

Aww shucks, Rosie Vows She's Quitting Show.