Today's BART Adventure
I was minding my own business on the BART today when the driver came on the loudspeaker and said that there was an emergency, we'd be delayed at Hayward while she checked it out. We came to a stop and the doors suddenly had tourette's, opening and closing without reason. The person having the emergency grew concerned because the driver came on again and said "I'll be there! Hang on!" She strutted purposefully through the car and into the one behind me, where the emergency was taking place. After a few minutes she told us all to get off the train. I could see a guy on the floor of the car grimacing and Bart people swarming to the scene as we walked downstairs and over to the other side.

After about 10 minutes the Richmond train ('train for Richmond') came by and, after almost everyone around me said "is this the Richmond train?" we all got on the new train, which was much more crowded than the original, now Medical Emergency, train. Next to me was an old Chinese couple, but instead of speaking Chinese, they spoke in sign language. Wonder if that was in Chinese or English.

I forgot to mention that last week, a man in full mariachi garb, carrying his accordion, sat near me. My co-workers were once asked to look for a corpse (! a corpse!) on the BART. They also saw a man say to the couple near him "hold my bag" then stride up to the front of the car and deck a man who had evidently grabbed the ass of a nearby woman. Sometimes, it's just more excitement than should be allowed in one day.

This is not a review of the Rich Little we saw this weekend: Concert Review: Rich Little delivers big Pops performance. Though the orchestra played many of the same pieces my own cummunity band played this year. Hmmm. Liz Dow-tay! and Rich Little, separated at birth?

I am finding some truly amazing stuff today: 76th Annual Brothers' Bowling Tournament.

Look! People I don't know! Hayden Bathroom Hot Tub.

A timeless classic, but always worth taking a moment to remember the similarities between Elvis and Jesus.

Who knew that there was an Indian version of Titanic? I can just hear the sitar music as the ship goes down.


Finally, a huge step in the quest for equal (note: Equal does NOT mean special, just equal) rights for gay people: Dog attack victim's partner can sue owners means that the surviving partner of the woman killed by that nasty dog in January can sue. Well, no shit, she should be able to. That dog took away a portion of the household income forever, never mind the emotional side of having your partner mauled to death by a trained attack dog.


Big Brother Rap Sheets only prove that my least favorite houseguests are slimier than I'd even imagined. That Shannon killed a man in a traffic accident and didn't even say she was sorry (I'm sure she isn't) to the family. Nice.


Just returned from El Chiropractor, who I hadn't visited in months. She noticed that the muscles in my back are toned now and exclaimed at my now-toned calves. Hockey is such a good thing. I think I'm going to start going to the gym so I can improve my shot. Go figure.

The gift that keeps on giving:

Thanks Rob! You rock!

In case you didn't know, HTML hell is where there are beveled edges on the bottom of a dynamically filled table.

In non-hell news, Amy and I are headed to Reno on Saturday for a mini-reprise of last years triumphant Road Trip, which culminated in a stay in Reno during Hot August Nights, where the town fills with everyone who owns an old chevy that they've turned into a hot rod. One or two of those cars are noteworthy, a town full was way too many. Even though we may miss Amy's buffet boyfriend, we're going one week earlier this year to avoid the hot-rod madness. We'll be staying at the lovely Nugget, or Nu-ghez, where we will be treated to a night with none other than Rich Little. Woo!

My deepest apologies to John, who was offended that Blogger had tourette's and posted my last post 3 times. I have corrected the problem, the tourette's is now under control.


There's a thread on my women in hockey mailing list right now called 'Playing with Men.' Am I the only one who finds that funny?


Tourette's mentioned in the Big Brother house: Joker's Big Brother Updates

Or, if you'd like to create your own art masterpiece, BRI HOME brings you the best of Bob Ross, Inc.

Looking for some fine art? Here's the place to get some!

Here's something I just don't know how to handle: say you're just about to kick off some great sex and the phone rings. You could let it go, but say it's your mom and the sound of her voice on the machine in the next room would ruin the mood. So you answer the phone and you're right, it *is* your mom. You make a lame (though plausible) excuse about going out for breakfast but she won't hang up. It's as if she's glued to the phone until you concede that you do, in fact have time to talk to her. Meanwhile, your partner has started without you and talking to mom becomes increasingly more distracting. At what point, if ever, is it polite to say 'mom, I'm trying to have sex here, can I call you back?'

Have a little spare time on your hands? Discover why Flash was invented -- Jesus Dress Up!. Link courtesy of Ann and Mike.

Have a little spare time on your hands? Discover why Flash was invented -- Jesus Dress Up!. Link courtesy of Ann and Mike.

Non-stop hockey
It was week 2 of my intermediate hockey class (I took beginner 3 times so this move, more than getting onto a EE league team, was my greatest hockey triumph to date). This class is much more intense than beginner, a lot of the same stuff but much much faster. The first day, we did the Iron Cross (can't find any links about it, so I'll explain -- on a face off circle, skate forward to the top. Stop, skate backwards to the middle. Walk, crossing foot over foot, to the left side. Walk to the other side of the circle, then back to the middle. Skate backwards to the bottom of the circle, stop. Skate forwards around the edge, pivot at the top (a bad fall at this pivot inspired me to upgrade my ass pads), then skate backwards the rest of the way, stopping at the bottom. Skate forwards in the direction you just came from, pivot at the top, skate backwards, then stop. So.. in 3 terms of beginner, I did a total of 3 Iron Crosses. On my first day of intermediate, I did 4 of these. This week, thinking that I'd go to our last day of puppy school (a largely failed attempt) I went hard through the class.

But then I decided to skip puppy school and go for the first day in the Women's League at Hockey Workout, the 3 on 3 place. Because there are only 3 teams in the league, one team always has to play 2 games back to back. This week, that was my team. Highlights included me slamming a woman against the boards, only to discover that the women don't do that like we do in co-ed and (this is my favorite) the first goal scored in the second game, me, on my own goal.

That night I was so hungry, I couldn't stop eating and was so tired I could barely stand. But I did it. 9 months ago, I couldn't skate, today I can play 3 games and take one class in 2 days and still be mobile (though quite slowly) on Monday. I think the next step now is for me to grow a mullet to complement my helmet.

John asked for it, so here it is: a picture that absolutely defies comment.


OAKLAND: CITY of ROMANCE? Yes, I think so!

Happy Anniversary! 32 years since a 'giant leap for mankind'. 32 years later, I marvel at the technology that was developed in such a short time but I wonder why we went there, if not to beat the Russians, then why? We haven't been back, there are no plans to go back. Does that mean it was all a ublicity stunt?

Yes, it was the start of the space program, that the world has changed because of things developed. But what was all this for, this hubube about going to the moon in this decade and do those other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard. So we scrambled, men died and we got there, left some trash and took some pictures.


Do not ask me how I found this: For many, male belly dancing is a hard idea to stomach.

Last night, I became an elected member of the board ofThe Cupertino Symphonic Band. Okay, it wasn't really an election (i.e. nobody was running against any of the candidates) but when the 'vote' came for me, there was much rejoicing. People actually congradulated me afterwards. I'm a Member At Large, which sounds like an unattached penis.

Working from home kicks ass for the most part. I definitely get more work done and it's very cool to get up and give the dogs a treat, or sneak Chee-tos to Alice. The downside is that the dogs have access to the office, giving Rainie a chance to chew the shit out of the futon frame.

She has, however, been very cool with Charlie the foster dog. She's appointed herself his guardian, wrestling with him and introducing him to the exciting world of being a dog. I think Charlie will be just fine.


I had a great excuse today, better than the dog ate my homework: the dog knocked the DSL modem off and my connection dropped. Working from home has it's moments.

I had a great excuse today, better than the dog ate my homework: the dog knocked the DSL modem off and my connection dropped. Working from home has it's moments.


So I forgot that Andrea had an album for Ellie, complete with pictures I don't even remember. I look at those photos now and realize that while we kept her happy, she was a sick girl who had stopped feeling her best long before she came to us. That doesn't stop me from missing her every day, though.

Fuckin' A's
There's an Oakland A's game today at 12:35. What this means is that every fan who doesn't have a job is at the game and they took BART to get there. There is NO parking at any of the BART stations in the east bay, I drove to 3 of them looking for just one space but no, it was not meant to be so I drove all the way in. To top it off, the cheaper ($12) parking lot was full so I'm stuck at the $20 lot.

Fuckin' A's


We got a crazy foster dog yesterday. The shelter called, his time was up because he didn't pass a temperament test, he's too shy. We brought him home and he was totally freaked out by all of our dogs and by me trying to pet him. Poor dude, spent his whole life in the yard by himself with no human or canine interaction. He's never had a chance to be a normal dog.

So please, if you get a dog, treat it like a family member. If you can't do that, don't get one so people like me aren't stuck cleaning up the mess of a nice dog that you made.


It's certainly not enough but Man Asshole gets 3 years for throwing dog in traffic will have to do.

The Triumphant Return
Andrea has returned from her tour of the Orient completely exhausted and riding high on what sounds like 2.5 weeks of true family fun (complete with daily lectures (lectures!) from older family members about things like religion and how soaking raisins in gin is good for arthritis). We arrived home, she admired my surprise bathroom renovation and fell asleep. Welcome home!


Why my new job kicks ass:
  1. It's not my old job.
  2. It's conveniently located across the street from Fairyland
  3. I get to ride BART every day, giving me 40 minutes to sit and read or do nothing. You can't beat that.
  4. The people kick ass. It's a lot like the good old days at beyond, though without quite as much flatulence (though a co-worker has Thoma's sweaty palms predicament that often results in brown keybards and the like, my current co-worker solves this with keyboard condoms).
  5. Travelling to a different city 40 miles from home is like going to a new world every day for part of the day, then returning to my exciting life in San Jose.
I don't want to be like one of those people who, after a breakup, spends hours telling everyone who will listen how much their ex sucks, how dumb they are, how they didn't like short hair, long hair, didn't like the right kind of sex thing, wasn't this, wasn't that, when really you can hear how they're defending the choices they made (starting the relationship to begin with, though they had a suspicion it would end badly, to cheat, to walk away, to be an asshole). So I won't.

But I'm a shitload happier now. My old job was wrong for me and everyone around me. We all knew it, I'm just glad it's over and I'm here, with my confidence restored, on the shores of lovely Lake Merritt, mere steps from Fairyland.

More on my current obsession with reality TV: 'Survivor' Rudy has new role . Here's some highlights: ...he volunteered for "Survivor" and squatted in the Malaysian sand for over a month, mumbling and staring at the waves.

Rudy, on Colby: "If he felt so good about her, what he should have done was took the million and buy her a Cadillac to keep her happy."

Rudy, on the cast of Survivor 2: "Well, they had to be dumb. They built their camp in a riverbed. They had to be real dumb.
"And they ran out of rice. I took charge of the rice when I got on 'Survivor.' I said, 'I'll take charge of this and it'll last till the end.' And it did."

Rudy, on Rich: "When we parted I shook his hand. 'It was nice knowin' you. Don't ever call me and I won't call you.' I can't afford havin' a queer callin' me."

Woo hoo! Andrea makes her triumphant return to the United States tomorrow afternoon. After 2.5 weeks without her, the dogs and I are all ready for this. I've done a little surprise remodeling at home to prepare (and keep myself too busy to miss her terribly). Zeus especially has missed her. Every night he's been clingy to me, whining softly like his little heart is broken. Poor dude, he loves her so much. And I do too!

One day!

More about the Big Brother ejection, including a great line: The incident happened during a night of boozing. Like so many things in life (including almost everything I did at my high school reunion last week), this too, was made possible by alcohol. Here's to boozers worldwide!

Damn! 'Big Brother' Contestant Evicted for His Behavior. Those people don't waste any time! It's a far cry from Chicken George.


ManBeef is a little scary. Good thing it's a joke. Isn't it?


Thanks to John for summarizing my life as lesbian hockey beagle love drama.

I really have no idea what went wrong with el blog here. I removed one link from the left hand nav and I guess, somehow removed the entire blog.html file. It's all good, though, because I'm back!

Friday night I went with Amy to the Ani DiFranco concert in lovely Berkeley. Being the Bay Area natives that we are, we took Bart up, her from the city and me from work in Oakland. When I got off the train, I saw a number of very hip-looking dykes with all manner of short hair and clothes I could never pull off (things with chains, big boots, baggy shorts that are frayed at the end, knit caps and more). I felt so straight among the crowd that I told Amy, I may as well suck dick, I'm so straight compared to these people. It was loads of fun and I did manage to find my orange colored glasses, which made me feel slightly less likely to date a man. Around 12:30 am, I rolled in to some pissed off dogs (a friend had stopped by to give them dinner) but I just told them to hush, that I deserve a life, too, ye bastards.

I spent the weekend running around getting things for various home improvement projects that are going on while Andrea's out of town (she returns on Friday, for those who were wondering) then doing those projects. Rainie is ever so helpful, wanting to stand between anything I'm working on and me. It was a fine weekend, though I was hit by extreme lonliness Saturday night. Linea came to my rescue and we had a fine dinner of frozen pizza at her new big-ass house. It was the perfect cure for my moment of lonlieness and it spurred me into action.

Sometimes I think this single living business is for the birds and sometimes it's really cool. I think it's only cool because I know it will end on Friday and I'll once again have someone to talk to and to help me walk the dogs (who are WAY too much for me to handle by myself out in public. Right now, Zeus' nickname is little asshole man).

Last night I subbed in for another hockey team in our league (we don't have a game until 7/16!). I had my first assist and we could have totally kicked ass but we only had enough kids for 2 lines and the other team, though slower, had 4 so they got much more time to rest. We just had enough time to feel like we needed more rest. But it was great fun and the Ice Hawks had their first win at our expense. They're a bunch of folks from my beginner hockey class so I was happy for them.

In other hockey news, I start the intermediate class on Saturday. After 3 sessions in the beginner, it's about damn time! I also start in the Women's league at Hockey Workout, home of the 2/3 sized rink and hot 3-on-3 hockey action. It's going to be a big weekend.

WOO HOO!! My blog is back!!

Trying again just for shits and giggles. Is anyone out there? Are you listening?


Blogger seems to be on crack, hash and weed again.

I was all set to post something far less interesting when I discovered the O-town blog. Baby, I would, baby I will, link it gladly. Though I won't get an O-town tattoo or braid the guy's names into my hair (with help from extensions, of course).


When we adopted Alice 2 years ago, she was 9 but still very much an active dog. She got into everything that wasn't nailed down (M&Ms, fish food, the trash, anything food-related) pulled at her leash on walks, barked whenever the mood struck her and did nothing to clue strangers in about her age. Since then, she's lost weight (in a good way), been diagnosed with a hypothyroid condition and had pneumonia twice. But in my mind, she's still spry and healthy, ready to make sure I've Alice-proofed the house. And in a lot of ways, she is.

In other ways, she's not.

Our most recent vet trip revealed overall good health, but something weird going on with her legs, there's a calcium deposit on the inside of her knees that may or may not mean something. And today, what I presume was urine was leaking from her nether regions, though she barked on and on as if it was in fact, something else.

It seems like a good time to recall what Ellie taught me: every day you have with someone you love is a gift. You'd better enjoy it.

The reunion hepled me rediscover my boozer self. There was so much beer everywhere, I'd forgotten how fun beer can be. Now that I'm back, Amy and I are headed to the Ani Defranco concert in Berkeley tomorrow night via BART. And you know what that means: BART=BEER.

On the plane, headed to Ohio once again, this time for a real reason — my high school reunion. Last fall I was here so much I grew tired of being here, of seeing my family so much, of spending an entire day getting there. My last trip, I wasn't very friendly.

It was eerie last night, with Andrea gone and the dog's already at the friend's house where they'll stay this weekend. The only mammals in the house were me and Bennie, the guinea pig. I had no idea how much noise that little dude makes, with 3 dogs shifting and snoring, often the only thing I hear is Zeus snoring not the happy squeaks of Bennie eating hay.

I could barely sleep and even with the long wait at long term parking, I was still early. My flight was oversold, they offered travel credit for volunteers so I was first in line. I didn't realize that it would take the one guy designated to hand out the new tickets and vouchers 40 minutes for each person ahead of me. Two flights to Denver came and went while I waited.

After over 2 hours, I found a sympathetic ticket agent who put bumped someone else to put me on the next flight to Chicago. I may miss part of the reunion party but I'll catch part of it. Which will most likely be enough.

Last night I'd looked for my CD player all over the house. I was all set to buy a new one when I found it, in plain sight on the kitchen table. Relieved, I put it in my bag. When we were finally in the air, I opened to put a CD in. There it was. Sting's Brand New Day. I'd bought it last fall and hadn't seen it in some time. It caught me off guard and I started to cry.

October 8, the day Ellie died, we left the emergency vets with empty arms, with only Alice and Ellie's collar and leash to carry us along. I called a couple of friends from outside the hospital until I thought I could drive (Andrea had driven on the way there as I held a screaming Ellie, wrapped in a towel in my arms in the back seat). As I started the car, Brand New Day came on. A sad and sweet song with a hypnotic beat, it seemed the perfect song. Andrea told me to turn it off, but ever since, I've thought of it as Ellie's song. I suppose I'll always associate it with her death, but more with the part that came after, when I was waiting for strength that didn't come in front of the vet hospital, knowing her body was inside, that I'd never hold her or give her McDonald's again.

Today, when I saw that CD, it broke my heart in a small way. Opened up a wound that seems to have healed when I wasn't looking. Maybe it's the passage of time or the fact that I never have to go back to that job I hated. I don't know but am grateful to have arrived at this point. Maybe it's like the moment new mothers finally forget the pain of childbirth and think of having another one. She's always in my heart and the mention of her name still brings tears to my eyes. But I'm okay and she is too.


Hi and welcome to day 3 of my visit to Ohio for the exciting high school reunion. We've already had a party and a self-guided school tour/picnic. So far, both have been quite fabulous. I felt little or no anxiety about seeing these people, after all the time I spent trying to make them like me or wanting to be like them, I had no energy left to care what they think of me now. And I like to think that I'm funnier now, more confident. Maybe I'm not but their silliness doesn't seem important to me now.

I had hoped that some folks who weren't my friends then would find me worthy of their attention and for the most part, they did. There was one group of gaunt fluffies who clung to one another but for the most part, the kids were pretty darn friendly.

More later, my party self is butt-tired and ready to call it a day.