Andrea made a wonderful album of the life and times of Alice: it's all here.

Sometimes I am fine. I realize how bad she was feeling and how much time I spent worrying about her health. I hadn't slept through the night since that night in August when she had pneumonia and I woke to touch her and she didn't move. Since then, she'd slept in our room, I'd rised several times a night to check on her. I wasn't ready to say goodbye then, I was more ready on Thursday than in August.

Other times, I collapse with grief. We came home from hockey today and the sight of her empty bed put me over the edge. How will I ever heal from this? She made the sun come up for me and now it does not rise.

I keep hoping that this is a very bad dream and that I'll wake up to find Alice beside me and healthy again.

I miss her so much. I honestly didn't know it was possible to hurt this much.

If you'd like to remember Alice with a donation, Tri-Valley Animal Rescue is where we'd like them to go.
Tri-Valley Animal Rescue
P. O. Box 11143
Pleasanton, CA 94588
(925) 803-7043

August 2001

This is one of my favorites. But then again, they all are. She was my number one, the one truly beautiful wonderful thing in my life. I am grateful for every day yet in shock that she is gone.

Alice made it through her surgery but didn't wake up. Today is the worst day of my life.

Farewell my sweet girl, you were the best and will always be number one.

FYI: Myelogram: An x-ray of the spinal cord and the bones of the spine. During a myelogram, a contrast material that is injected into the spinal canal is used to visualize the structures of the spinal cord and nerve roots.

I talked to the surgeon who is working on Alice and he went through the long scary list of things that could go wrong, including any number of ways that death could occur. I guess he had to but still.... One option is that there's a tumor on her spine but our regular vet is confident that isn't the case since it would've caused a much more rapid decline. Other options include meningitis but I'm still going with disc problems since we confirmed that she was having them a year ago and of course, she's a beagle.

He classifies her as a Class 3, meaning that she has good motor function in all four legs but is currently unable to walk. He said that most dogs with this classification recover and are able to walk again and have a pain free life. Which is all I want for her.

So... he's not going to call me if the myleogram shows the disc problem, he's just going to head into surgery. Meaning that no news is good news for at least the next 4 or so (about 3 now) hours. Please keep all your fingers crossed that my phone does NOT ring until then and that when it does (after the alloted time) it has good news.

We can't visit her tonight but I'll be there the second they say I can.

Alice collapsed this morning and is now at the surgeon's. They are doing a myleogram first and assuming they find a problem with her disc, will take her directly into surgery. I'm a mess, please keep her in your thoughts and prayers today.

I know I was talking about where the term The Big Apple came from recently with someone, so whoever you were, here's yer answer.

Alice: better today, still very much walking like a drunk but seems a bit better. I'm quite ready for this to be over and for her to be feeling better.

Me: started off my day with an upper GI series test that involved partial nudity (and NOT in a fun way) and a big thick barium milkshake. The worst part was the 'fizzies' that they gave me at the beginning, I thought I would barf from that. It's so misleading, this big plastic cup of baruim with a thick straw attached, as if it's going to be a fun beverage. Ha!

It looks like I'm fine, that was just my Dr.'s way of reminding me that she has the big fancy degree and I'm the girl sipping a baruim shake while the whole world gets a glimpse of my undies.

From my dad today:
DON'T YOU WISH YOU COULD ATTEND!!! THIS EVENT WILL REALLY PULL IN THE COLUMBUS CROWD!

MONSTER TRUCK NATIONALS

Schottenstein Center -- Friday, February 8 at 8:00 pm or Saturday, February 9 at 8:00 pm
Scheduled to appear:* Bigfoot, Executioner, War Wagon, Nitro Fish, Boston Big Shot, Stuntman "Brilliant Bob," Snow Fire jet-powered snowmobile, Quad-ATV Racing

Slow loading but worth the wait: The Stupid Store: Pooping Reindeer Candy. Thanks Brad.

Alice is better today. She got more shots at the vet (and nearly gave the vet a heart attack when she started coughing a mere 30 minutes before I was supposed to pick her up, causing the vet to panic and think that her pneumonia had flared up again). The really good news is that the ensuing x-ray showed that her lungs are clear for the first time in over a year.

Today she's walking like a little drunk girl, but hey, she's my little drunk girl.

We also learned that the holistic doctor I chose likes to program NRG rocks to prevent disease and put them in the dog's water dish. We decided that he wasn't the guy for us.

Check it out! Little girls who play roller hockey. I know girls have a lot more opportunity to play sports when they used to but it's still pretty kick ass to see girls doing anything hockey-related.

When the CHP doesn't just mean California Highway Patrol: Cumhuriyet Halk Partisi. Thanks Mary.

Alice is no better today. She was shaking when I woke up so I dropped her off at the vet again. She didn't really want to move and even left some food in her bowl at breakfast, a first for my little chow monger. I had to carry her outside to pee and into the vet's office. They suspect that it's related to her neck injury and I'm just hoping we can get her fixed up soon.

Our drive home was hell -- from LA to San Jose in just over 11 hours. That should've been a 5-6 hour drive but thanks to the fucking hijackers and lowered gas prices, there we were, going 30+ mph the WHOLE 365 miles. I'm thrilled.

Alice was doing well until today, and now she's kind of a mess. She's not standing up very well and we're back to the vet tomorrow. I'm not ready to make choices about her quality of life but it seems like it's getting close. This is just not how I had imagined she'd leave us and certainly not so young.