The calendar tells me it's Christmas Eve, that on the morrow the world shall rejoice, our savior is born! Except that it's not quite like that, there's no savior coming tomorrow. Barring an onslaught of terrorist activity that once again alters our internal and external landscapes, the world will look the same. The problems that weigh me down now will still be there, the hurt that I cannot let go of will still reside deep in my heart. The only difference? I'll have a few gifts to add to my collection, some chosen out of a sense of knowing me, knowing what this-or-that might improve my life a little bit, might bring up a memory of a cherished friend, but a lot of which were purchased out of obligation.

It's that obligation that gets me. Year after year, it grows worse, the 'whatdoyouwantforchristmas' that I hear over and over again between Thanksgiving (or in some years, Halloween) and tomorrow. The best part about Christmas right now is that I won't have to answer that question any more. Until next year.

I like getting gifts, don't get me wrong. If you're in a store (or, more likely, a hockey rink pro shop) and see something that fits in your budget and you know, just know, I'd enjoy, even though it's mid-June and there are no holidays in sight, I urge you, get that thing and consider it your 'get-out-of-Christmas-free' pass. You will be exempt from the forced obligitory-ness that is Christmas. Hell, even if you don't see that thing, you're still exempt.

Despite having grown up Catholic, Christmas has always had this sort of connotation for me, the gifts forced. While the folks who forced this sort of thing on me are extremely well-meaning, the end result is the sum total of 30 years of growing resignation to having to quick! think of something I 'want.' Even though, right now I'm as broke as I've ever been and a true gift would be a Safeway gift certificate, a promise to pay even $5 towards next season's hockey, things that aren't as glamorous as the Bauer 5000 goalie pants that I got (and desperately needed, and am extremely grateful for) but 'things' that aren't 'things,' things that are true gifts, that would make my life a little/a lot easier.

I mention these items not as a solicitation for gifts but as a suggestion to all of us. If you don't 'feel' Christmas (and I suspect a lot of us don't) then don't force it. There's no mental laxative that will make you a believer. Pushing through a thousand crowds to buy something I don't want proves only to both of us that once again, we've fallen for the retail trap that is Christmas, not that we've found some solace in one another this year and wish to acknowledge the gift of that solace. Which, I think, is what it should be, rather than some empty celebration of a timeless story that may or may not be true, which at any rate, was undoubtedly not created (or chronicled) with the intent that we all become raving lunatics every December.

I see religious people wearing bracelets and lanyards that say 'WWJD,' asking what Jesus would do, were he here. I do not think he would be at the mall, in fact I suspect he'd shut down the malls and force us to come together, to take a minute to remind each other of the good we see when we look into each other's eyes, not to rush to this store or that to buy a gift without meaning.

To that end, I offer a snippet of what I see when I look into the eyes of those I love. Andrea, first and foremost, offers me a kind of unconditional, free (not like a hippie kind of free) love that seems to trancend everything that's going on around us. You could easily have given up on me so many times, but you chose not to. I can't say enough how grateful I am for my life with you.

Actually, she's all I can think about right now. I think that's good. Merry Christmas to all, you three readers of mine. May this holiday give you the chance to see in your family's eyes the gifts that their love brings you, to see the love and devotion that God (or whoever) has been kind enough to send my way that fateful day I met Andrea, back in 1995. Thank you thank you thank you. She's better than a thousand Christmases.

Today was a banner day of hockey, hockey, hockey. It started with Andrea's green game, where I coached with my most excellent co-coach, Lisa. For some reason, she and I hit it off right away and have become a coaching force to be reckoned with. Or at least a coupla coaches who get along real good. Andrea played a great game, even being one of three defenseman, I was still very impressed with her.

Then it was on to my maroon game, where I begged, pleaded and cajoled to get a chance to play wing. In the second period, I got the chance, moving to left wing (admittedly my worst position but beggars can't be choosers). I had a number of breakaways, surprised myself at how many (all but one) of my shots were on goal. The next period, there was some discussion -- should I go back to defense or stay up? I held out and stayed up where once again the force to be reckoned with of Lisa and I was together, this time as a wing pair (did I mention that she's also on my maroon team?). We were close into the net, Lisa was tied up by a nameless agro-defenseman, but the puck got loose. I ran to it, Lisa still flailing about behind me, got my blade on it and shot it right past the goalie, where it hit the cloth part along the bottom of the net so hard I could hear it. My annual goal has been scored! Woo! Though this year, I'm shooting (ha ha) for 5. I'll keep you posted.

We lost 2-1 but hey, I was the 1.

After that, I raced down to the ice center where I put on my goalie costume and subbed in for my first 5-on-5 co-ed team. The guys were really nice and I had a blast. More importantly (at least as far as securing that elusive NHL contract in the future) I looked and played like a Real Goalie. I let in 2, a very very respectable number and was assured that I'll be asked back again. Thank you, thank you.

It was the most fun I've had playing hockey in a long time. I lost both games but just don't care, I rocked in both. Sometimes, that's more than enough.