In setting up the table at the top for my Relay for Life donation plea, I found this letter that I wrote to Ellie, just a few days after she came home to us in April of 2000. I like to think that for the most part, I made good on all of these promises.

It is for her, for the dogs like her who do not get to die in someone's arms the way she did, who don't get the very best of love, of snacks, of treats and walks until her little body gave out that I'll walk. I know that the money raised goes towards human research but the advances made do trickle into the veterinary world so it's worth the effort. Just like loving Ellie was.

(April 12, 2000) Dear Ellie,

I've been your mom for all of 6 days, but it pains me as if you'd been ours for 6 years to see you in pain. I know that the warm bed and love I give you will mean more to you than these words, I write this to you from my own selfish need to mourn you.

You haven't left this world yet, but it's growing clearer to me every hour that you're getting ready. The vet tells me that your tumor has most likely spread, that they can do their best with surgery but it can never be fully removed. You seem to be telling me that you're ready to cross the Rainbow Bridge and as your mom, I have to respect what you want to do, what you need to do.

I promise to keep you as comfortable as possible, to give you as much love as you'll let me while you're with us but I understand that you're almost ready to go. You don't want to eat, you shake with pain and you want only to sleep. Soon, my darling, we'll let you sleep all the time and you'll be free of pain.

It would be easy to burden myself, wondering why you were brought into my life for such a short time, but I think I know. Everyone deserves to die comfortably and to have someone mourn their passing. That is what I can and will do for you. You've taught me so much already, I'm sure that your lessons for me are only beginning. Thank you for choosing me to learn them.

I will love you always and be grateful for the peace I've been able to give you this last week. I will not let you suffer. Waiting for you when it's time are Daisy, my growing up beagle and a very special guy named Mr. Tahoe. They've been making a place for you and will show you where the treats are. Mr. Tahoe will also introduce you to a special snack called Pupcorn.

Ellie, let me know when you're ready to go. You'll cross the Bridge in a warm, safe place, surrounded by love. You have my word on it.

Love always,

your Mom Liz