Liz Doughty Goes to Court
It's not as exciting as it sounds but I've been served. On October 25, a mere 3 days before our Exciting Vacation is to begin, I must head to our local court and testify about our next-door neighbor. It's a long, complicated story, but in short, the granddaughter she used to take care of hacked a plan to leave her grandma's care and go live with her drug-addict mom. The plan involved telling school officials she'd been beaten by grandma, then a brief stay at the children's shelter, then long-term happiness in the care of a mother who hadn't been a mother to her at all in the 9 years she'd been in this world.

But hey, you can't blame a kid for trying. Except that along the way, my neighbor was arrested, charged and now the prosecutor won't drop the case for reasons I don't quite get. There's no evidence, only the word of a young girl with dubious credibility.

That's where I come in. Because it won't go away and my neighbor refuses to plead guilty (I wouldn't either), I've made a couple of statements over the phone, Andrea's written a letter and yet, it comes to this, my ass being served.

I don't think it will be like Law and Order, though I think there are a couple of good ways to handle it.

1. Make that dum-DUM noise like they do on Law and Order after every statement I make, or at least when I talk about a location.
   "Liz Doughty's House, San Jose California"
   dum-DUM

   "Courtroom, San Jose California"
   dum-DUM

2. Start screaming "AMEN, I TESTIFY THAT THIS WOMAN DID NOT HARM THIS CHILD! CAN I GET AN AMEN?!!!"

3. Talk about the lord-uh and how he told me to testify. Then ask for an amen from the crowd while gesturing wildly.

4. Continue to do the dum-DUM sound. Because that, for sure, will not get old.

Amen!