I have just learned that on my upcoming trip to Tennessee, I'll be among the priveledged many to visit none other than the DollyWood theme park with my two favorite punk ass young men, Andy and Robin.

But wait! There's more! The town I'll be visiting includes at least one Waffle House. Thank you Jesus. And Dolly. For the wood and for the waffles.

Yahoo wrote to me just now to remind me to update this charming website or risk it being shut down. Enjoy. We wouldn't want this little gem to be deactivated, now would we?

This, on the back of the bag of Unhealthy Snacks in front of me:
"Packed on shared equipment with Peanuts and Tree Nuts"
Noo! Spare me from Tree Nut interaction.

I was just thinking that if I knew you better, there would be so many more things that I'd tell you here.

Because I consider it bad form to speak in this blog using anything other than vague terms about people who treat me badly, in the vain hope that they'll either stop treating me badly, that I misunderstood their hostility or that they'll read me blogging about them and get even more mad, I shall remain largely quiet about the drama that's been going on, re: hockey.

But goddamn it, people. BACK OFF! We're all 1. volunteers and 2. doing our best. I'm trying to trust that y'all have the same good intentions that I do but when you're pointing fingers at me it's hard to see that.

What's odd is that one of the people involved is someone who has been in my life for far too long (pushing 10 years now) in a very convoluded way that only lesbians seem to have (no, I did NOT sleep with her. Eww...) with very little positive interaction. I would be quite intellectually-challenged to think that she'd act any different toward me now but I am once again kicking myself in the ass for hoping against hope that for once, she'd be nice to me.

Silly me. Clearly, I'm meant to learn something from knowing her but I'd like to think that I've already learned it and our paths can cease to cross so I can focus on the more positive people in my life.

All of this crap has made me wonder what's wrong with me, why I seem to inspire people to a weird kind of hostility. I wish I knew, though it does make it pretty easy (though not painless in any way) to weed out the people who don't fit in well with my values. I wish I could just sit them down and say 'you know, Ms. So-and-so, you're just not a fit in my life. I'm going to have to let you go.'

Though I've hardly transitioned to this conclusion, I realize that I can forgive almost anything if there's no lying involved and you have a good heart with good intentions.

Had my exciting salary negotiations this morning. The fantastic news is that as soon as school is out for the semester is through I'll be a permanent employee here at Unnamed Successful Internet Company less than 5 miles from my home.

Here's how the negotiations went:
Recruiter: Here's the offer. You can sign it now or think about it for a day.
Me: Um. Is there any negotiation here?
Recruiter: This is the offer. You can sign it now or think about it for a day.
Me: Oh.

The truth is it's a Very Nice offer but I like the illusion of negotiation. Of course I'll 'think about it' tonight and sign tomorrow, just so I don't look like a total pushover.

Is that a Wooden Leg?
I think it's just leftover high metabolism from the tournament but ever since I got back, I've been starving. No matter how much I eat, I'm totally hungry less than an hour later. The good news is, my belly is in stasis so it's clear that my body is being demanding for a reason.

But damn! I don't have time for all this eating.

In the meantime, could you PayPal me a sandwich?

Y'all knew I was slumming when I worked at IKEA, didn't you? Thanks for not saying anything. I guess it was something I had to do, like touching a hot burner when you're a kid, even though someone is always saying 'don't touch that!'

We Are the (International) Champions!!!
Step back, crazy Canadian teams, the Seals B were in town and ready to kick your ass! We started our tourney on Friday night with a 7-0 blowout of the Jagged Edge, a team from somewhere in Alberta. All the rumors about hockey dominance thanks to a lifetime of skating and ringette were not true. Thanks to months of hard practices, sessions that more often than not leave me utterly spent, we had the stamina to maintain our intensity (I guess you could say that those practices were like viagra) through three solid periods. Sandra was a Scoring Machine, putting in 4 of the grittiest, hardest-earned goals I've ever seen.

That night, we all went out and partied a little too much. Our intensity was missing the first period of Saturday's game and we let in 2 goals. We got the intensity back, let in no more goals but didn't score much so we lost 2-1 to a team we should have beat.

Dejected and disappointed, we did the natural thing. We went shopping at the Hockey Shop, aka the World's Greatest Hockey Store. I got the stick I'd been dreaming of -- an Easton Synergy Si-Core, 75 Flex. Yes, it's orange so it now matches my gloves. More importantly, it just feels right.

With that stick (and the new Bauer 8000 shinguards, which also rock!) I felt back to my old self. I chipped passes off the boards, took harder shots, pulled off the NHL-style defense-to-defense passes that set up some really amazing neutral zone regroups, leading to at the very least, possession in the offensive zone, where we'd continue to pass it around, waiting for the right opportunity. It was amazing.

With only one win, we could have been out if we'd lost our next game so there was a lot riding on how we did that night.

We were one conhesive unit for the next three games. Saturday night, we were determined, beating a redesigned version of the Mile High Mamas (the team Code Red lost to in the finals in Vegas 2 years ago) 5-0, including one really phat goal from Elissa (with an E) thanks to her new stick, Stryder. That night, Elissa hung out with some of the Mamas and got the scoop on Sunday's team, the Colorado Cliffhangers. Supposedly, they had a couple of ringers but I replied confidently that we had a whole team of ringers.

That confidence and team spirit led us to Sunday's 8:15 am semi-final game, where we rousted the Colorado Cliffhangers 6-1, again playing like a well-oiled machine. We had a short break between that game and the 11:15 final game against the Centurions, hometown unknown. They were the toughest team we faced, it was clear (mostly from their worn-out jerseys with a kind of outdated-looking logo) that they'd played together (or at least owned only one set of jerseys) for a long time.

We were up 3-0 going into the third period. I was worn out but not exhausted, thanks to our viagra practices and I think, to step aerobics. All of a sudden, they scored two goals. Shitshitshitshitshit. But we kept our cool, even with :24 left on the clock, when they pulled their goalie and took a time out. They had a face off in our offensive zone and could easily have tied it up at that point, sending us into overtime.

But they didn't. Our line went out, with Margie telling Lisa and I to go finish what we started. We tied them up, prevented them from taking a shot and with 9 seconds left, Elissa (and of course, her trusty stick, Stryder) iced it out of the zone. We weren't sure if the refs would call it icing, stopping the clock, so we cheered a little, then a little more, as the puck slid toward the far goal line. With no time on the clock, there was no whistle.

The game was over. We had won!!!

Afterwards, we all sang Queen's "We are the Champions" in the locker room. In fact, it's still in my head now. It was the most amazing team experience I've had so far. I wouldn't trade a minute of this weekend, even the loss, maybe especially the loss because it was the moment that changed us, made us stronger, for anything.

Go Seals!