Sometimes, There Is No Other Option
Most of the time, I keep my a fair amount of my smartass remarks to myself, or I just share them here. It's pretty rare that I actually say what I'm thinking, even in the face of blatant stupidity.

But on Sunday, after I sat in the car waiting in front while Andrea went inside the crazyass plant store in the totally crowded no-place-to-park-ever Asian Plaza to pick up our new bamboo (heh, that sounds funny, new bamboo) and a couple of cheap but cool pots for about 10 minutes, she finally came out. I leapt out of the car to help load pots and new bamboo. Just as I was standing there holding the pot, trying to find a place for it, this self-important security guy came by, walkie-talkie in tow, for emphasis, and said 'you guys are okay, just keep on loading.'

I admit it. It was hot and my tolerance for the obvious was quite low. So I said "what else would we do?" quiet and politely enough that he was totally confused. Spun in a circle while he was trying to figure out whether or not to walk away or come back and make us sit in the fire lane longer just so he could gain the upper hand in the situation.

I totally understand that some people might like to park in the fire lane. I also understand that were there a fire, I would be the first to get the car out of the way so the firefighters could do whatever they needed to do. But if I'm standing there, holding a goddamn pot, it's pretty clear that we're not parking.

This is like the time my old Jetta died in the left hand turn lane in Portland. I think on the corner of Burnside and something, right before the bridge. Anyway, that day there was a tremendous windstorm and I'd let my ex set up jumper cables on my brand new Jetta to give some lady a jump. I'm still not sure what went wrong but it blew my alternator, so the car would abruptly stop moving, the alarm would go on and the only way it would stop was if I got out of the car and turned the key in the driver's side door.

That happened about 3 times, and finally the car pooped it's last poop right there on Burnside. We sat there trying not to panic, lights and horn ablazing as the wind whipped around us and the rain clouds swarmed. We must have called for help, while we were stuck there in the left turn lane, blocking traffic. I remember something about AAA giving you priority for tow trucks if you're blocking traffic. Do with that information what you will, but we had a truck there in about 10 minutes. Not bad for a blustery day.

As we waited inside the car, lights ablazing and horn a-bleating, my ex overheard these two chippies on the street across from us bitching about my bleating and flashing car. One said "why the hell are they just sitting there?" as if the bleating and blazing didn't indicate any kind of issue. Her friend replied "because they're law-abiding citizens." OMG yes, how did you know that I wanted to spend my day sitting here in a broken car as the passers-by make mean comments and angry drivers bleat their horns back at me?

So I guess I had that moment in mind when Mr. Security Guy gave us the okay and I gave him the kind of snide remark I wished I'd had ready for those chippies in Portland.