Things That Suck
Though it's never easy or the way you thought things would go, it seems inevitable that in the course of a life, friendships come and go. Some are situational, like a classmate who you lose touch with after the semester ends. Some are just the victims of a Life Change that leaves your interests so disparate that you just drift away because now, when you talk, you struggle a little too hard to find stuff to talk about. They all suck, but they're a part of life.

There's also those blowout endings, where one party does something the other cannot forgive. I've lost a few friends to these over the years, some spectacular ones in the last couple and though the events themselves sucked (again, some WAY worse than others) I get it. Even if we tried to bridge that new-found difference afterwards, in the end we both saw something in each other that made it painfully clear that being in touch was no longer going to work. Sad, yes, but at least we can all pinpoint the moment when it ended and we all are on the same page: the this-thing-here-is-over page.

But then, there's the Mystery Ending. These I like the least. Where everything seems fine, then slowly, your friends are too busy, you're too busy (being pregant, for example), and before you know it, it's been some time before you hung out. Sometimes, this is just what happens when People Get Busy and you reconnect, picking up where you left off.

But right now, we've got this with a couple of friends, only all attempts to reconnect have been snubbed, even laughed at (hey did you want to go to x? followed by laughter, even though last year this friend was a critical part of x and seemed to enjoy it) and treated like we're Satan Incarnate. And hell, maybe we are. But it breaks my fucking heart when you turn your back on me, even though I know full well that in this case, your history is nothing but rubbing people the wrong way and abandoning friendships without telling people why, that during the hayday of our friendship, I had to defend this friend to the many people this person had snubbed in some way.

Note to self: if you have to defend someone that much, there's probably a reason why. Meaning that nobody is exempt. Not even us.

I would love to know what I did wrong, would love the opportunity to make it right or at least to mutually accept that things are over. Instead, we get the cold shoulder and a sad little place in my heart where this friend used to be.

So for the record, if this happens to you and I, please at least TELL ME what I did that's so eggregous that you have to move on. Even if I don't get (or derserve) the chance to fix it, at least we'd all know where we stand.

In the meantime, Sigh. I think a part of me will always miss this particular friend. And wonder what I did wrong.


and this is what Blogger wen said...

Liz--that certainly sucks. You have my total empathy. I'm also going through a hard relationship time right now (and yes, friendships are relationships). I hope you are doing okay, and if you want to talk, I'm here.

1:27 PM

and this is what Blogger Dharma said...


That was a great synosis of the ways friendship end, great and sad, but truthful.

4:34 PM


Post a Comment

<< Home