Sometimes It's Easy To Talk Out Your Ass

The other day we met a very nice woman who no doubt had the best of intentions. She has two daughters and is the sort of woman who bore the process of being pregnant and giving birth in a dramatically different and more enthusiastic way than I did.

That's right. She loved being pregnant and even loved delivery. Me? Not so much. The 6 months of nausea wasn't that great, nor was all that labor or the c-section. Granted, I knew that the end result of all that nonsense was going to be a kid so that certainly made it all worth it. I guess you could say I'm on the other end of that lady's spectrum -- I tolerated being pregnant and delivery but I love being a parent. I knew I would and it has not disappointed or surprised me yet.

So anyway, this woman (who, seriously, was very nice. She's not some random asshat.) decided that it was would be so great if Val had a little sibling. So she kept talking about it, saying it in different ways while I smiled politely and gritted my teeth, choosing for the moment not to tell her about all the failed, some painful, IU.I's, all the shots in my ass, all the painful/uncomfortable dates with dildocam-wielding wandmonkeys and all the tears that come with each failed cycle.

No, I sat there with my polite grin until I could take it no longer.

Actually, I said, we've been undergoing fertili.ty treatments for about a year now (yes, dears, I exaggerate somewhat but sometimes rounding gets the point across a little better, especially when you're trying not to cry in front of those nice strangers) and while we totally agree with you that Val would be a fantastic big sister, this is a hard subject for us right now.

Oh. She said and changed the subject with a quickness that sort of belies the undercurrent of uncomfortableness that seems to surround all talk of infertility among those who are lucky enough to have no relationship with this particular beast.

I share this because well, it bites to have these conversations when you're not expecting them and because I want to remind you all of something you already know -- that in so many situations like this, if you don't know what to say, a simple I'm sorry, perhaps even one punctuated by a kind smile or a pat on the arm, well, that goes a hell of a long way in making something that Sucks with a capital S suck a little less.