I'm Not Above This

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at the top of searches. Let's spend the money of my hateful friends,
shall we:


Full URL is here:

Sorry to make you cut and paste but I'm at the rink, watching Andrea's
game and clicking away.


This is the longest I've been out of work.

Um, Crap

When I was a kid, my mom always had some little thing for us for the
holidays - a card, a little gift, something. I mean for the non-huge
holidays, like Halloween.

The only thing we have for Val today is the shirt that my mom sent. I
guess it's time to figure out how I feel about having that be a
tradition we continue then abandon my guilt about not doing more to make
these days special.


Up And Down

Yesterday was such a long day, the phone didn't ring, not one measly
ring for all the jobs I've applied for. My cover letters are refined,
my resume is the perkiest it's ever been and yet, the phone didn't

But today, I started the day with a rather disjointed interview for a
job that's quite similar to the job I just had. I rounded out the
afternoon with a phone interview for a job that's different enough from
what I used to do to be pretty compelling but the gig has some serious
drawbacks. Assuming I got offered both, I really don't know what I'd
do, or what I want.

At least things are happening. It's just not all me sitting around, all
day, being depressed. And that's something.


Isn't That Nice

Val's school is a Christian preschool. They rent the building from a
bigass church that uses her classroom for Sunday school. On the way in,
the front desk of the church has all sorts of information, including yes
on 8 brochures.

Btw, within these brochures, seriously, was no actual solid reason to
vote yes. I know because I read one of them before I threw them all

I was talking to the teacher I like the least (she's not Val's teacher,
just fills in on breaks) and the assistant director. I said something
about how hard it was to see our neighbors put up their yes, I hate, er,
yes on 8 sign.

The teacher goes 'well, that's why this country is so great, because
everyone can express themselves'

And in that moment, I knew how she was going to vote. I saw how she's
willing to take money from my family to care for our child but will
freely vote to amend our constitution to strip me of my right to marry.

Why does nobody see that singling out one group is just a start? Why do
I deserve less than anyone else? And why does anyone else deserve

Please vote no on 8.


The Day It All Changed

I was just remembering the day we heard that the Supreme Court had given
us the right to marry. Everything changed in that single moment - our
relationship instantly received a new level of recognition and for once,
I felt 'equal' to everyone else.

And then we got married, it was small and so sweet, over much too soon.
Minus a bigass party because our budget didn't allow for it and because
prop 8 loomed large in my mind.

Can you imagine getting married, while worrying that your right to do so
might be only fleeting?

No matter what happens next week, I know that our fight for equality is
far from over. I've seen the trailer for the upcoming movie about
Harvey Milk and it makes me so sad - we haven't really come all that far
since then. We still don't have the permanent right to marry.Crowds of
bigots, crowds filled with a hate for us that they can't explain still
pour out whenever there's a chance to.

And for what? To protest my 'lifestyle'? A thing I can't change any
more than I can change being left-handed or my deep-seated love of candy
corn. Protest all you like, my bigoted friends, but I will not and
cannot change this about myself. Nor do I want to, because I am so
blessed to have the life that I do.

And no matter what, that happy day when we heard about our new rights
and the even better day when we got legally married, those days cannot
be taken away from us.

Please vote no on 8.


Where Does It End?

Prop 8 has me wondering, if it's okay to single out one group and remove
their rights, which group is next? Will it be singled out by race, by
socio-economic status, by party alliance or by some other arbitrary

And when that happens, who will speak up for them? Not me, because I
will already be silenced by this.

First They Came .... poem by Martin Niemöller 66

"In Germany they came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up
because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't
speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came
for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up."

-- Martin Niemöller


Please Vote No On Prop 8.


It just Gets More Desperate

(I've cut some parts of this for the sake of windbag reduction, but
check out this exceptionally desperate message from the guy leading that
awful campaign. It pleases me to see this level of desperation,
especially this close to election day.)

> "You would leave us no other reasonable assumption. The names of any
> companies...that choose not to donate...to ProtectMarriage.com...will
> be published. 
> ...We will contact you shortly to discuss your contribution."

It is signed by members of the Yes on 8 (aka Yes To Hate!) campaign
executive committee:

Ron Prentice, campaign chairman

Edward Dolejsi, executive director of the California Catholic Conference
(the Official Voice of the Catholic Community in California)

Mark Jansson, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day

Andrew Pugno, lawyer for ProtectMarriage.com.



I can only hope that on election day, these hateful people will hang
their heads in defeat and just maybe, I'll have a job offer in hand.

Please vote No on 8.


Unexpected Goodness

At jazz band tonight, I asked my standmate how she was voting on 8.
She's a retired lady who I've sat next to for a decade and though I'm
out, so out, I've never really addressed it. It meaning that whole gay
thing, you know, the one that's apparently destroying many a
heterosexual marriage.

So I asked her. Instantly, tears came to her eyes.

No. Absolutely not. No way anyone in my house is voting for that. She
has a nephew, you see, and now that he's gotten married for the third
time, to the same man, his nice aunt wants nothing more than for his
marriage to remain legal.

I was so touched by her anger because I feel it too. But I know the
weight her anger carries, somehow it is greater than mine because she
could just as easily stand on the other side of this issue, but she
adamantly chose not to.

Please vote no on 8.

Looks Like They're A Little Scared

This is some mass email from the people at Yes on Hate, it makes me feel
a bit better. Here's hoping they don't raise that scrilla.


Dear Friend,

The institution of marriage is in cardiac arrest in California and I am
pleading with you to help save it. Please set aside what you are doing
for a minute and pay close attention to what is happening with
Proposition 8. Marriage as we know it is in a life or death moment.

Gay activists held a fundraiser on Tuesday night at billionaire liberal
Ron Burkle's mansion in Beverly Hills where they raised an astonishing
$3.9 million. Even as guests were being entertained by Barbra Streisand,
Melissa Etheridge and Mary J. Blige, No on 8 operatives were busy
launching a sneak attack on the institution of marriage. They began
dumping $3 million into television commercials this week alone. That is
on top of the nearly $4 million in air time they already had purchased
for this week, meaning they are spending an unbelievable $7 million on
air time this week alone!

In the middle of the night last night, they began airing a new
commercial featuring liberal Democrat Jack O'Connell, the California
Superintendent of Public Instruction, designed to trick voters into
thinking that gay marriage won't be taught in California public
schools. The No on 8 campaign realizes that this is their Achilles heel,
and they are going to say and do whatever they need to in order to
confuse and trick voters.

O'Connell slyly but shamelessly misrepresents the law, saying that
California does not "require" that anything about marriage be taught
in public schools. What he doesn't say is that his own Department of
Education reports that 96% of schools DO TEACH the courses that include
marriage. The Supreme Court's legalization of gay marriage
unquestionably means that young children will be exposed to gay marriage
in school, just as they are in Massachusetts.

Here is the situation we face: Unless we raise $3 million in the next
week, we're going to lose.

Our campaign is presently on the right track and has momentum, but we
cannot withstand this onslaught of spending – getting outspent by $3
million this week and by who knows what next week. We have emptied our
accounts to put $1 million more on TV to respond, but that leaves us
bare. We need to add $1 million more to our advertising schedule in the
next 24 hours for this week, and at least $2 million more for next

If you love the institution of marriage, this is one of those moments
that you will remember the rest of your life. This is the moment when
people of faith were given the chance to make a great sacrifice and save
this precious institution. We have all worked hard as volunteers and
contributors, but this is the moment when traditional marriage as we
know it will either live, or it will die.

Years from now, when we look back on our lives, this will be a day to
remember. The day when marriage went into cardiac arrest, the victim of
a ruthless and false assault on the truth. The day when you had a chance
to sacrifice greatly to save God's precious gift to us.

This is Code Blue for marriage. What is your response?

Me: Fuck you. I'm not bothering you one goddamn bit.

Frank Schubert
Campaign Manager
ProtectMarriage.com - Yes, I H8


Yep, It's Love

Val, do you want to go to school every day, I asked. Since hopefully at
some point in the not too distant future, I'll be working and I can't
imagine a universe that will provide me with the flexibility to work at
home the way my now-former job did.

So rather than Val going to school the 3 days she goes now, it seems
like she'll need to go every day. Not that she'll have a choice but I
wanted to see what she thought about it.

Yep, she said, I want to go every day.

But then she climbed into my lap and gave me a hug. I love you, Mommy.

As I'm melting from the sweetness, from the feel of her little hands
around my neck, she followed up with 'I love Miss Monica.' Sigh. Maybe
every day would be a bad thing after all. For us, anyway.



Originally uploaded by liz2d2
I know, I know. She's no longer a baby, she's a Little Kid. She's more fun every day, though.

Plodding Along

I continue my pouncing, trying to be the first to apply for new postings
every day. But I've got a bad feeling about all this. With the economy
in the crapper, I'm just not sure how far-reaching that crapper will

I'm glad as hell that we'd started eating at home a while ago. I'm also
proud of myself for buying most of Val's winter clothes a while ago,
most on bigass sale. What I didn't buy, we've been lucky enough to get
from Soosan as handmedowns and through my very generous mom. So we're
good there but still, I worry.

And I'll continue worry until I've got a job to call my own.


Library Lessons

Val and I have been hitting our local branch library once a week after
school for a month or so now. The second week, I discovered that we
were there for family storytime so we stuck around. It's badass, books,
songs and some other activities. Val likes it best when she can flip
through a book of her choice at the same time.

Given that we fart around on our laptops while we watch tv at home, I
would only be an asshole if I tried to prevent this.

She's allowed to get 2 books a week, since she's 2. I got this formula
from AmFam, along with a strong, wise caution against Bearen.stein Bearz
books. This week I made an exception because she got sort of very
attached to a tiny pocket dictionary.

Since that thing came home, it's gone everywhere with her. There's
something really funny about a little girl carting around a grownup

We also hit Thursday morning story hour and last night, the internet
told me about a different branch that has story hour in Mandarin! Woo!
Free Chinese! You bet we're there, at least until my ass goes back to

Speaking of lessons, we started swimming lessons 3 weeks ago and it's so
ridiculously lame that I've already dropped them. It's just all these
weird little games that the personality-less teacher doesn't explain,
then she calls Val silly for not getting it. Yeah, fuck you. It's not
reasonable to expect a two year old to know what you mean by 'tick
tock' or 'monkey walk' until you've shown her.

Also speaking of lessons, we're dropping one of our gymnastics classes.
This is purely a financial move, so Val has decided she's got enough
money to cover the cost. She's collecting loose coins all over the
house and bringing them to me. So far we've got 57 cents so we'll see
how that goes.

The not having a paycheck thing blows but having Val to my self during
the day is just awesome. I'm grateful for this time, even if it's not

Progress, I Guess

This week had some moments of promise. An in-person interview (3 hours
of Hey! I'm Great! is really exhausting) and 2 phone interviews. I'm
hoping, perhaps against hope, that this time around I can land something
that I really like.


A Little Heartbreak In Every Bite

Pulling up to the library, Val sees the kids playing at the elementary
school across the street.
Can I play soccer now?
No buddy, not till you're three.
See those kids? They're at school. Someday you'll go to school like
them, but probably at a Chinese school.
With Miss Monica (her teacher now)?
No buddy.
Why not? (This laden with sadness)
Because she doesn't teach Chinese.

Thank YOU

To everyone who donated to No On 8 the other day. It means a lot, er,
so much, er, well, everything to me.



Andrea went over to our local gay and lesbian center on Monday to score
some No On 8 signs. I'm pleased to say that we now have one proudly
displayed on our front lawn (lawn being a relative term since we don't
have any grass). It counters the Hate The Gays (aka Yes on 8) one
across the street.

I'm pleased to see that their sign is already showing signs of wear.
And no, I didn't go near it.

I did, however, remove the last stack of brochures from the church that
holds Val's school. The church had asked the school director to place
some of them on the school side of the building. She refused, saying
the school has a number of gay families and she didn't ever want to do
anything to isolate them in any way. That's just one of the reasons we
love her school.

I told her, ya know, Jesus wouldn't have voted yes on this thing. Nope,
she said, you're right. He would not have.

I will be so glad when the election is over and people can go back to
hating me quietly. It hurts too much this way, seeing it all over.


Give Once, Give Twice
Today, if you donate funds to No On 8, generous benefactors have agreed to double your donations. With the polls getting really close on this hateful proposition, with my goddamn neighbors across the street sporting a Yes sign in their yard, I can only humbly ask that if you have a little scrilla to spare, that you head over to the following link and donate as much as you can:

Double your dollars for marriage equality TODAY!

Even my unemployed ass is going to donate today. We can't afford not to.


And So It Goes

As we enter week 2 of my newly unemployed status, I'm trying to take
stock of what's good. I've got my health, Val is funnier every day and
I'm blessed to have a supportive, loving lady friend through this.

I'm stil pouncing on every new job posting, still like a cat. Meow. A
couple things seem possibly promising and well, if nothing pans out I
can check out one of those insurance jobs.


Today's Job Status

I went one whole day without an offer to process money for the Nigerians
or sell insurance. Another insurance offer just came in so the counter
is hereby reset.


A Chip Off The Old Block

Val is announcing to the whole of Arby's that 'we don't poop in our
pants' and 'I had a BIIIIIG POOP earlier.'

I know, I know, she's my child.


It Beats Spitting

Just got behind a truck with a Yes on 8 bumper sticker. That shit makes
my skin crawl, I take it sooo personally. How can I not?

When you put that kind of message on your car, it tells me you've got a
lot of hate. For *my* family. Maybe it's not personal to you, maybe
you don't know anyone who isn't exactly like you, so maybe the lady in
the next car means nothing to you.

But when I'm that lady, it really chaps my hide that I'm not even a
person to you. You're a person to me, even though you're so overtly
mean. Mean to me and my family.

So just to let him know what I thought of his bumper sticker, I rolled
right up, waited till he was looking and gave him the finger. It sure
beats spitting.

Today's Recap

Day 2 of my full-time job search has brought a couple of semi-promising
leads, a phone call about selling insurance (seriously, what on my
resume indicates in any way that I'm looking for that kind of work??)
and another email about working for the Nigerians.

I'm feeling a little low. The initial flurry of activity has ended, at
this point I've applied for every writing job in this area posted before
today. So I just wait for new ones to be posted, then pounce. Like a


But now is the hard part, the waiting for a phone call. Besides the one
about the insurance agency I could start right away, that is.

I'm keeping busy, like you expected any less, but still it's hard to
have the whole day stretch before you and be severely limited by the
money thing.

Val's still going to school. For one, we'd paid for the whole month and
for two, keeping the routine has a lot of importance when you're 2, for
three in theory I'll be going to interviews at some point (soon) and
it's easier to do that if Val's already being taken care of.


More Irons

I think I'll just keep a running tally of interesting job offers. Just
got one for selling health insurance. What is that about?

Irons In The Fire

Before I even knew for sure that my name was on the layoff list, I
started trolling the job boards. I realized a while back that I'm done
being just a developer. The technology that those positions are
expected to know well is just more than I know, and more hard-core
programming than I could really learn well.

More importantly, I've realized that I love working as a writer. Well,
I love getting paid for it. I'll be a writer no matter what, paid or
no. I've done all kinds of it in my working life, when I wasn't writing
I missed it a lot.

So I'm applying for every writing job I can find, having faith that one
of them will be the job that brings inspiration back to my working

I've received emails already about potential jobs, including some that
just puzzle me. 3 about selling life insurance, 2 about working from
home for Nigerians, one about doing tech support in Wisconsin and a web
content company offering 5 cents per word. Thanks for the interest,


Could Be Worse

The severance is good, even if I can't find work for a while we'll get
by. It feels lousy to leave a job after this long in such a lame way,
though. Layoffs are no fun.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to find a job doing what I like the most -
writing. My job now is to troll job boards incessantly, applying to all
jobs that look like a match, hoping the right one is out there waiting
for me.

Well, That Sucks

I got laid off today. 4.5 years after I started, I walked out with a
box of my accumulated stuff. It really sucks.


Call Me Crazy

Opponents of gay marriage inevitably tie their hate for us to some
religious bullshit, er, teeny piece of scripture that's been interpreted
and re-interpreted throughout the years. In other words, who really
know what it meant originally. I've heard it means be hospitable but
who knows.

That said, the verses that are trotted out all come out of the Old
Testament. You know, the bigger part of the book with all those stories
that once Jesus came, Christians were supposed to transition from The
Law to Nice Stories From Before.

Enter Jesus, a guy whose whole spiel is about love. Love your neighbor,
love the leper, love the prostitute. Here's a very high profile guy who
went out of his way to embrace everyone he came across. As I understand
it, that's his main message: love and compassion.

So I can't quite wrap my head around the leap from Jesus' message to all
the hate. Nowhere in the New Testament does it say to hate anyone, gay
or leprous or a litle bit slutty. If you ask what would Jesus do, I can
say with absolute certainty that he would have spread his arms wide open
and embraced us all.

Please vote no on Prop 8.


OMG Seriously

what's up there?
Originally uploaded by gadgetgrrl
Wasn't this just like 2 seconds ago? Wasn't it???