1.19.2010

Long Time No Blog

But it's for a good reason, I swear. I've been playing a shitload of
hockey and when not playing hockey? Enjoying the heck out of my time
with the kidz.

However, since it is now 5 am and my back pain has once again flared up,
rendering me wide awake and more than a little afraid to lay down, I'll
fill you in on what's going on.

Hockey. I am slow. My shot, which was once sort of okay and could
somewhat consistently get a fair bit off the ground, is now a dismal
shadow of the kind of shot I seem to remember having. But I've got
faith, it'll come back eventually. For now, I keep winding up like I
expect it to be my old shot, then being annoyed when the puck gets about
2 inches off the ground instead. I get even more annoyed when the puck
stays on the ground.

But oh, am I having a fab-u-lous time out there.

Random - what is with all these cooking shows hosted by people who chop
as poorly as I do? Isn't that sort of the basic requirement for the
job?

Anyhoo. Val is a fabulous big sister. She's handling the whole thing
very well and we're so proud of her. It kills me that I can't carry her
around right now. Between my c-section scar and my back, all 32 pounds
of her are out of luck. Of course we cuddle in the bed, couch and on
any horizontal surface but I know it's not the same for her. And it's
sure not for me.

To that end, I'm headed into the chiro today to get started on actually
fixing this.

Also random - we now have more breastmilk in the freezer than we have
food for people who chew. We're about to start eating only frozen meals
to make room for more milk in there.

Though we don't really have space for it, I see a small upright freezer
in our future. It pleases me to have so much milk on hand. Assuming my
stubborn ass makes it through Viv's first year with the breastfeeding,
it's my hope that she'll be able to have a bottle of the stuff a day for
months after the year mark thanks to this freezer stash.

Recently, I posted on fb a question about flying with the pump. In
response I got a whole bunch of assvice about working on Viv's latch.
Wtf, seriously? Was that in any way related to the question I asked?

Why do breastfeeding advocates have such a narrow agenda about the
'best' way to feed a baby? According to them, the only acceptable way
to feed my baby is at the boob and I'm at fault for not trying harder.

I know. It is complete horseshit and about as unsupportive of pumping
moms as you can be. Would they rather I just quit and buy formula
instead? No?

Then SHUT THE FUCK UP. Exclusive pumping is hard. Ridiculously hard.
You do not know the suck that is attempting to pump while the baby
you're pumping for screams her head off because she's hungry for a
bottle you can't quite prop up correctly with your elbow and your 3 year
old is suddenly no longer content to watch Olivia.

Oh, how I wish that I were making that up. But I keep at it because I
know the value of breastmilk. No matter how it makes its way from the
recesses of my boobs into her wee tummy.

To that end, I didn't give up on the Latch Situation. No, no, it has
actually improved and right now she is feeding The Preferred Way
(according to breastfeeding enthusiasts with an agenda) about half the
time. That is good enough for me.

I realized recently that one of the greatest gifts in my life is that I
am rarely plagued by self-doubt. I'm guessing that this confidence is
my reward for suffering through years doubting myself/low self-esteem
and now I'm done. It's freeing, knowing that at any given moment, I'm
confident enough in my choices that I don't make them more difficult by
second-guessing myself.

Just now, I put together that my Days Of Doubting Myself ended right
around when Andrea and I got together. Go figure that she's the
catalyst for even more fabulousness.

That's all for now. Hope you all are well.

2 Comments:

and this is what Blogger zeebah said...

Did you get any good info about flying w/ a pump, or was it all annoying advice? My partner is pretty much exclusively pumping & we are flying in two weeks, so any advice you got is much appreciated.

Don't know if you've already tried this, but Zazie cut holes in a few bras for the funnel to stick through in order to hands free pump while bottle feeding our twins while they sit in the boppies or bouncy seats. It's been a lifesaver.

11:50 AM

 
and this is what Blogger andrea said...

ass, you made me teary!

1:33 PM

 

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